#it gives me hope because we know she's always behind akutagawa

[moniwaskaname]

This is kinda spoilers, but... Now that we got Akugatawa back... can I have Higuchi? CAN I PLEASE HAVE HIGUCHI BACK?

ASAGIRI I’M BEGGING YOU!

[starglow-xx]

(About the brother!atsushi) aRE YOU READING MY MIND MISS?! Because that has been on my mind for MONTHS. TYSM For writing it was amazing!! If you don't mind, may I request (if requests are open) atsushi, still an older brother, but with a sister that's 10-13 yrs old? It's totally fine if you don't wanna do it. Keep up the good stories, ily mwuah!

*sobs* you’re so kind thank youu 🤧🤧

i wrote this a bit differently i hope that’s okay anon! at first i planned for this to be mainly abt atsushi and the reader, but i decided to add in relationship hcs with the agency bc i ran out of ideas

if you guys liked this don’t worry! im planning a special part two for this one so be the look out for it hehe

atsushi with a tween! sister

ft. the armed detective agency

like in my baby sister hcs, you’re still the most important thing to him period

the two of you got picked up by dazai and kunikida when he was 18 (obviously) and when you were 12

for a 12 year old, you were a bit small bc of malnourishment (which makes atsushi feel so bad) so both dazai and kunikida thought you were a bit younger than you actually were

they assumed you were about 9-10ish

you and atsushi both share a favorite food !! chazuke :)

so when kunikida treated the two of you, he made sure you got more bowls bc like i mentioned above, he feels really bad that you were malnourished and under weight

(don’t bring this up but kunikida felt bad too hehe)

when dazai went with your brother to the warehouse, you were with kunikida

imagine the surprise of the other ada members when kunikida came in with a little girl dressed in rags that popped out from behind him

kenji was the one who vocalized his thoughts 

“kunikida-san you have a daughter?! wow! i didn’t know that! :D”

when you found out your brother was a tiger, you were a bit concerned but you were actually kind of excited

you were even more excited when you found out the two of you were going to be taken in by the agency

anything was better than the stupid orphanage

and besides!

you got a tiger for an older brother and a bunch of other super powered agents to take care of you! who could want anything else?

at your age, you’re very impressionable and can be influenced easily so atsushi makes sure to teach you more in depth of good morals and the importance of kindness

his heart swells with pride and relief when he catches you being kind to others

pride bc he’s proud that even after all the two of you have gone through, you still ended up being a good kid and having a bright view of the world

and relief bc he hasn’t failed as a big brother

pfftt like he could ever fail

but please, from time to time reassure him that he’s perfect and the only big brother that you’d ever want bc he rlly needs that kind of validation

with his salary and savings, he tries to buy nice things for you

what a sweetheart 🥺

he saw you eyeing that one dress at a store window? fast forward abt a week and half and it’s inside a pretty gift bag for you

you wanted to try that dessert from the nice bakery? that’s dessert after dinner at one point

but other than buying you things, he sets money aside for you

like all the time

(y/n), here have this, you might need it”

“but nii-san you just gave me—”

“take it”

#1 spoiler

also your #1 confidant and source of physical affection

you tell him anything and everything (except crushies and those kinds of things)

atsushi loves it when you talk abt your day and he can see the big smile on your face and the sparkle in your eyes

it gives him the strength to keep going 😖😖

the two of you aren’t as touch starved as you’d probably think, but that’s only bc the two of you had each other

in your opinion, no one can match the hugs of your big brother

and it got even better bc YAYY he has tiger arms now ٩(◕‿◕)۶

if you ask, he’d carry you around too hehe

you also get nightmares quite often so he’ll always be there ready to calm you down, talk if you need to, and rock you back to sleep

god i love him 🤧🤧

atsushi will do everything in his power to protect you and make sure you get to grow up happy, supported, and loved

port mafia attack? oop he’s already taking you to the nearest escape route

someone is starting to harass you? they just got suckered punched into the next week

you want to go out to have some fun? he’ll go ask the president for a day off

you’re not feeling well? he’ll take another day off and take care of you

whatever you want to do, he’ll do it with you! (as long as it’s within reason)

will always be your #1 supporter! and he’s the president of your fan club hehe

he loves you so so much and will do anything for you; your life and happiness will always be more important to him

you are his reason to keep going

agency head canons !!

atsushi is your big brother, but kunikida is most definitely some sort of father figure

everyone can see it

except kunikida of course

kunikida scolds you lightly if he thinks your manners need work or if you make a mess in the agency

you listen to him of course and in turn as some sort of a reward, he’ll give you pieces of stationary

he always gives you the nice, good quality kind and you’re over the moon

atsushi adores it when you come running to him showing your new notebook or fountain pen and blabbering what you’re going to do with it

sometimes it isn’t even as a reward for being a good child; he’ll just give it to you and he’ll say smth like “i noticed you’ve used up your last notebook quite quickly, so here’s another one” or “did you run out of ink? here have this then”

he usually has a soft spot for children in general, but he most definitely has a soft spot (or a thousand) for you

yosano is kind of like a motherly figure to you

she gives you the guidance a mother should and goes on shopping trips with you!

atsushi always gets dragged along by you, but he thinks it’s worth it seeing you look so happy

yosano being a doctor also tries to teach the things you should know, or things that would be helpful to you

she’ll teach you the basics of cooking, sewing, how to treat a cold/fever, etc

also gives you excellent advice 1000% of the time

“remember (y/n)-chan if someone hurts you come tell me and then i’ll chop them into—”

“yOSANO-SENSEI DONT TELL HER THAT—”

fukuzawa is like a father to most in the agency but you see him more as a grandfather figure

bi weekly tea and gossip sessions hehe

along with cat talk!

most of the time though, it’s just you talking and him listening to you, but the two of you enjoy it nonetheless

“and then kunikida-san ended up crashing into a pole and dazai-san started to laugh at him and i did too because it was really funny but we ended up getting scolded—”

“hmm i see...”

he’ll let you stay in his office as he fills out paperwork; you’re usually doodling or drawing in your notebooks

sometimes he’ll meditate and you’ll join him, but 4/7 times you’d fall asleep

you always wake up with a blanket over you

dazai is like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

frequently takes you out with him when he ditches work

walks in the park, eating at uzumaki so he has the excuse of treating you so he doesn’t have to pay his tab avoiding kunikida and sometimes chuuya and akutagawa, all that fun stuff

also tries to not talk abt suicide in front of you especially if it’s just the two of you alone

he knows that you mean the world to his pupil and that said pupil would probably hate him for putting suicide inside your brain

he teaches you random but useful things like how to pick a lock, how to steal kunikida’s notebook if you’re looking for some information, how to sweet talk your way out of things, etc.

is also the one to tell you that if you ever get a significant other to introduce them to the agency first

he always wants all of your gossip; some of them work pretty well for blackmail

“dazai-san! dazai-san! did you know that kunikida-san lost his glasses and he was looking for them for nearly an hour when he was just holding them the entire time??”

“woah really (y/n)-chan?! hey hey can you say it again into this recording device so kunikida-kun would believe me when i tell him—”

always ends up giving kunikida a heart attack when he says that you’ve been with him all day

ranpo is also like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

will share some of his snacks, but don’t push it or you might not get anything at all

loves it when you compliment him

if you tagged along with him and your brother on a case, he will show off to impress you

“...and that’s how the crime happened”

“UWAHH RANPO-SAN YOU’RE SO COOL”

atsushi is lowkey and kunikida is highkey stressed that ranpo’s eating habits will rub off on you

“ne (y/n)-chan do you wanna try this highly caffeinated drink and this concerning amount of sugar filled snack?”

“can i really?!”

“rANPO-SAN NO—”

ranpo definitely does stuff like that on purpose 

the tanizakis are like siblings to you!

a weird set of siblings but siblings nonetheless

the two of them adore you and think you’re precious

atsushi definitely knows how to do your hair whether it’s long or short but he got even better at it when he asked the two

hehe braid trains are definitely a thing + kyouka and kenji (and maybe even dazai)

sometimes you have sibling swap days

you’re with junichiro for most of the day and atsushi is with naomi

strange i know

each of the tanizaki siblings try to make it fun bc they know that the two of you did not at all have a happy upbringing

junichiro likes spending time with you by taking you out to different places that naomi likes to frequent

like the mall, different stores and restaurants, the park, places like those

naomi does the same thing with atsushi so if you ever bump into them, you go out and eat together :)

besides atsushi, the next one in line who spoils you the most would be junichiro (and yosano & kunikida both coming in at a close third)

he honestly can’t help it; you remind him of how naomi was when she was younger

and besides

he’s always been a sucker when it came to the happiness of a little sister

“would you really buy this for me junichiro-san?!”

“of course! don’t worry about it” :)

wanna talk abt boys/girls/celebrity crushes things like that? naomi is your girl

you feel a bit embarrassed to go talking to yosano or your brother abt that and kyouka does not know a thing abt them either

“uwahh naomi-san look at all these people in this magazine! they look so good!”

“right?! but of course onii-sama is still the best—”

you get along with kenji and kyouka quite nicely being roughly the same age as them; they’re also like siblings!

just pure, wholesome vibes from the three of you

you’re over the moon when she finds out that kyouka is staying with you and your brother

atsushi is twice as happy seeing you talk your mouth off and finally having a girl around your age to talk to

“do you think demon snow can change how she looks?”

“hmm... im not sure...”

you and kenji talk abt anything and everything

he even teaches you how to take care of plants!

sometimes the two of you are kind of in the same boat bc you don’t know much abt yokohoma being stuck in the orphanage and kenji doesn’t know much abt cities in general

“wait where are we again kenji-san?”

“ah we’re close to the ports! but im not really sure how close because i don’t know what the symbols on this sign mean”

“don’t worry! neither do i!”

bonus things!

yosano was kind of too late teaching you abt you know what

“NII-SAN IM BLEEDING IN BETWEEN MY LEGS”

you’re sobbing in the agency’s bathroom and atsushi is panicking trying to get you to open the door

“Y/N?! H-HOLD ON LET ME GET YOSANO SENSEI”

ranpo overhears and cackles making everyone around him confused

suddenly atsushi bursts in the agency basically on the verge of tears rambling incoherent sentences abt the bathroom, you, and blood

it just clicked for everybody in the room

(im going to pretend that kenji has sisters back home so that atsushi is the only one who remain oblivious here hehe)

atsushi is genuinely confused and sort of concerned that no one is freaking out with him

yosano waves her hand saying smth like that she’d take care of it and junichiro pulls atsushi to the side to talk to him

fast forward like half and hour and dazai and ranpo are cackling on the looks of both of your faces

honestly not sure who’s more traumatized, you or your brother

“why does this have to happen” :(

“ne ne (y/n)-chan!~ you’re too young but at some point you’re not going to have it!”

“uwahh really dazai-san?” :D

“yeah! but first you have to have ANFK—”

next thing you know your ears are being covered by your brother and dazai is thrown across the room by kunikida

you know

the normal

you’re twelve and have never gone to school, but the agency takes care of that

it’s too dangerous to go to school so they teach you what’s necessary and whatever else they can

kunikida takes care of math (obviously)

yosano takes care of science/biology/anatomy/health (whatever you wanna call it)

ranpo even dragged poe to help you with english

atsushi even got lucy to help you out with english too!

as tanizaki and naomi used to be students, they give you their old work books and they try to teach you all the other subjects

sometimes kyouka and kenji are there learing with you too!

sorry if there’s some errors! i’ll read through it again later :)

and as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize! the reblog button is there for a reason

[dreamkidddream]

So far of reading your writing, I really love it! :)) May I request Kunikida, Dazai and Ranpo having an younger member of the agency being a sort of subordinate of them but acts a lot like a younger sibling to them? She's just really pure hearted and soft and really looks up to them so she likes helping them out a lot. Just some fluff because my boys deserve all love and affection

Awww thank you so much for the compliment!! This request is so cute, and yes, all the boys deserve all the love and affection that is possible cause they go through too much 😭 Anon requested this as platonic, and reader is gender neutral. Also, I wasn’t too sure what the age should be, so I went with Kyoka’s age, which is 14. Hope you enjoy!

TW: Mentions of suicide in Dazai’s part, but nothing too heavy or specific is mentioned. It does get kinda sad though, but it has a happy ending. Also, slight spoiler for season 2/Dark Era Arc, but nothing too major

Young ADA Member Acting like a Younger Sibling to: Kunikida, Dazai, and Ranpo

Kunikida

Okay, so when you first started at the office, people (specifically Naomi and Junichiro) were nervous when you got paired up with Kunikida. And Kunikida isn’t a bad man by any means, but he can be very, very, very strict

And how well do rules stick with kids/younger people? Exactly. It just sounded like a bomb waiting to explode

And you look so soft and so sweet! What if he made you cry?!

Which Naomi threatened to draw blood if he did

Even Kunikida himself was nervous. This was not written in his notebook to be a glorified babysitter!

But the President insisted, putting faith into you that you’ll be a great addition to the team and that he can lead you on the right path and not into trouble like some people he won’t mention (Dazai)

That was all that he needed to hear, and he took those words very serious. He won’t let the President down, and he wasn’t going to let you down either. You guys were gonna give it your all, whether you were ready to or not

But, to everyone’s surprise (really his) you both adapted well. You treated him with respect, said yes sir, no sir, tidied up both of your desks (which were right next to each other), you even tried to abide by his stern schedule without any complaints

You were a great help on missions too, you didn’t recklessly throw yourself into danger, and you made sure to look out for citizens to keep them safe and out of danger

And that wasn’t it, oh no

You made sure to bring him snacks (atleast the ones that he said were ideal), made sure that he was keeping hydrated and not tensed up all the time (working in this office will do that to you), and to make his workload as light as possible

After seeing him go off on Dazai for the 1000th time and getting wound up over a case that wasn’t getting any leads, you saw how stressed and frustrated he was getting. Mumbling to himself about how could he “replace the President if he couldn’t do this right”So you tapped on your shoulder, with one goal in mind: To comfort him

When you tapped his shoulder, he turned and yelled, “WHAT NOW?!”, right into your face

Time stood still as everyone froze, shocked. Even Kunikida himself after he saw it was you.

He felt immediately guilty, about to apologize for losing his cool when you began speaking

“Mr. Kunikida, please don’t stress too much. It’s not good for your heart! And don’t let this one thing stop you! You’re a great leader, and someone that I look up to. I wouldn’t be where I was at now without you! So please don’t doubt yourself, because we don’t, especially me! You’re my role model, Mr. Kunikida. Please, don’t ever forget that.”

After that, it was like a flip switched in him

“(Y/N), come here and walk very slowly.”

You did so with no hesitation, but you were curious

“Your shoe is untied. Here, let me tie it for you. It wouldn’t be ideal if you get injured because of a lousy shoelace. It wouldn’t be ideal if you got injured at all.”

“(Y/N), we have lunch scheduled at exactly 12:15. They’re also serving your favorite today, so we can’t be late, understand?”

“Yes sir!”, you said with a smile

“(Y/N), let’s go. It’s getting dark and if you still want to see that dreaded light show, we have to leave in 20 seconds to make it! I don’t want to see you sad or hear you complain if we miss it.”

“Coming sir! Just finishing up some work for tomorrow-“

“I already have it written in my notebook on when it will be done, so we can go.”

“Here you go Mr. Kunikida, I already typed up and printed out the reports for later on!”

“Thanks kid. And you don’t have to keep calling me Mister okay? Kunikida is fine.”

Dead silent in the office

KUNIKIDA is letting someone way younger than him just call him KUNIKIDA? Not MR.KUNIKIDA???

Everyone is, realistically, shook

But as time went on, they understood why

He came to look after you as his own

The entire ADA would have never thought the day would come (it wasn’t even in the notebook!) where he would care for a kid like his little sibling but here it was, right in front of their faces

But they weren’t complaining at all. You seemed to make his day a little brighter, and he wasn’t as uptight as much (but don’t be mistaken he was still Kunikida, just at an 8 instead of a whole 10)

After that mini pep talk that fateful day, he made it his duty to be a good role model for you. To always set a good example, both in and out the office.

He wouldn’t fail you, and he would be damned if he let anything happen to you

You’re a good kid, and you only deserve the best. And he was gonna be the best role model (and brother) for you

Dazai

Aw man, he was..conflicted to say the least

Listen, it’s not like he hates kids or teens, but it’s just extra responsibilities to watch over them. And he already slacks off enough to begin with, so is this really a good idea sticking a 14 year-old with him?

And lowkey, the way that he treated Akutagawa is still heavy on his mind, and he doesn’t want a repeat

But the President made it so, and Kunikida was ready to attack if he even thought about denying the order. Plus, it could be like another Atsushi around (another person to pass work off too) so that was a win!

And another person to annoy Kunikida too

You looked so pure and innocent. Are you sure that you’re in the right place? 

He genuinely thought you were a lost kid when you came up to him the first time lmao

Geez, you even sound sweet too! How has this world not damage or corrupt you yet?

“Hi Mr. Dazai! It’s nice to meet you. I hope that we can make a great team, and that I’m here to help if you need anything!”

“Nice to meet you too. And now that you mention it, these reports have been giving me a hard time...”

Not gonna lie, he did take advantage of your help. You offered, so why not? He thought you were gonna get sick of it soon and start complaining, but nope

You took his reports and did it with no hesitation every time. And you always handed it to him with a bright smile. On top of that, you always cleaned up his area and behind him, you did any leftover work that he ignored forgot to do so that he wouldn’t get yelled at, and tried to bring him small snacks and even packed a whole lunch for him when you noticed that he didn’t eat a lot

He even started to feel pretty bad and he was getting disapproving looks from his fellow detectives (even Kenji, and he never frowns)

So he started to take back and *GASP* actually do his work?!

But you stopped him, and told him that he should, “Take it easy! You work hard enough as it is saving the city. It’s no problem doing these reports, and I want to help you in any way I can, Mr. Dazai.”

“(Y/N), don’t worry, I can do them. And remember it’s just Dazai, calling me Mister makes me feel old like Kunikida-”

“I HEARD THAT!” 

And it seemed like you really cared for his wellbeing, especially when you had to accompany him on missions

Well, it just so happen that while you were going with Atsushi to find Dazai to start a mission, you both found him

Hanging upside down, sinking to the bottom of the lake

You rushed into the water immediately, pulling him out and onto the ground while Atsushi was just standing there in disbelief

Atsushi is so done with his shit

“Dazai, can you hear me?! Dazai?! Atsushi, I gotta give him CPR I don’t think he’s-”

“(Y/N) don’t worry he’s okay! This isn’t his first time he’s done this, and probably not the last.”

“W-what do you mean?”

Oh

Oh

You didn’t know about Dazai’s suicide methods? Did he not tell you or talk about it in front of you? Atsushi would have been somewhat proud of him if this whole situation didn’t happen, but here we are

“Geez, guess this method isn’t for me. It seems like someone is bound to always inter- hm, (Y/N)? What are doing out of the office? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

You hugged his chest tightly, not caring that he was practically soaked down to the bone

“Please stop, Dazai! Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to leave everyone?! Why are you trying to leave ME?!”

That got his attention

“Your life is important, Dazai, too important to try and end it on your own terms! You’re special to me, I look up to you. You’re smart, funny, and you help everyone out in your own special way. If you weren’t here anymore, everyone would be so lost...I would be so lost..,I-I-I wouldn’t know what to do-”

“(Y/N)-”

You looked up, eyes red and puffy with tears rolling down your cheeks, but filled with determination

“I promise you that I will make sure you know how much you matter to everyone. I swear on my life that I will.”

Okay, so you know how you were helpful/adorable before? On a scale of 1-10, you were definitely at an 11. But Dazai felt like you were at a 20

At first, he thought that you weren’t being genuine. You were just a young kid who didn’t know any better and was just trying to do your job, in sickeningly, oversweet way. I mean, who would really care about him with his horrid past? He was convinced that you were just naïve, and that the world would swallow you whole when it gets the chance. And it made him feel pity for you

But you proved him wrong

You weren’t just some ignorant child. You were in this agency working alongside him for a reason. And you reminded him of that everyday when he saw you working, handling the cases, taking actions on missions, all the while being kindhearted through and through 

You especially went out of way for him, and it was both a warm and scary feeling. People that he ended up caring for shared an undeserving fate, and he blamed himself for it constantly. So he tried to keep his distance, for your safety. You still had a life to live, and he didn’t want to ruin that for you.

But it was kinda hard to when you work together, and with you constantly being under his wing trying to show him the good in life and the difference that he made, he couldn’t help but admit it

You proved him wrong, and not a lot of people can say that. 

You went out of your way to make sure that everyone was okay, mentally and physically. He didn’t want to admit it, but you made the office (and his life) a little bit more bearable when you were around. You’re a good kid. And it was so fun to rope you and sometimes Atsushi into his schemes lmao y’all can be so gullible sometimes

Unfortunately, he still planned to leave this world, but he tried not to talk about it in front of or around you, and his number of attempts did dwindle, so that was a good thing

“Hey (Y/N), let’s grab something to eat, I would be a terrible person if I let my dear little baby assistant go hungry.”

“Dazai, if you’re hungry, you can just say that. I don’t mind finishing this later. It’s good to eat when you need to, and your health is #1 priority!”

He couldn’t take back his past and the way he abused Akutagawa, but he could certainly make sure that he doesn’t make the same mistakes

And that would start with being a decent role model for you. He won’t exactly be a “model citizen”, but he will always do the right thing. He’s turned over a new leaf by turning to the light, and while his methods aren’t always legal, he won’t stray from it again

And he won’t let you stray either

Ranpo

He was not a happy camper at all, let me tell you

Hello, do you know who he is?? He’s the greatest detective in the world! Why would the President think he need a sidekick?! He saw you working under him as an insult. Were they trying to say that he wasn’t good enough on his own?!

You weren’t exactly welcome with open arms, but that was okay! You were a complete stranger to him, but you were hoping that would change overtime

And Fukuzawa offered to praise him if he took you in so he stopped pouting momentarily

“Hi Mr. Ranpo! I’ve heard great things about you, and I hope that we can get along!”

“Well, of course you’ve heard great things about me, I’m the greatest detective in the world! It would be a crime if you didn’t hear about me.”

It was a rocky start between you guys to say the least. Not only was he lazy with the work he already had (I mean, it was too easy for him), but you were always willing to complete it (which you did, when you realized that maybe he was too tired or had other important things to worry about)

Who are you trying to fool, this man was just being lazy 

But you either didn’t realize it or you just purposely ignored it to get it done for the sake of the agency. Bless your pure heart for putting up with that poutyface 

Despite that, you handled everything with positivity and pride. When discussing cases (even though he would solve it in under a minute), you already had the reports ready to go, took notes for him, and you even tidied up his desk (which really consisted of his snack pile)

And you were starting to grow on him. You were like his mini cheerleader/#1 fan. His ego was going through the roof

On missions, it was a piece of cake for him, duh! With his ability, Super Deduction, it was always easy. And you were in the background, in awe with everything going on. He wanted to say he was surprised, but he would be lying. It would be a downright lie if you said you weren’t impressed with his ability and with him in general.

You repeatedly praised him, and he always gave you the same response: 

“World’s greatest detective, remember?”

The one thing that would cause him to see you in a new light, was when he got lost. You remembered Kunikida mentioning that he wasn’t the best at navigating the train system

He really said that Ranpo didn’t even know how to read the schedule, and that someone had to always walk with him to make sure he was going to the right places. 

He just wanted to go back to the office to his beloved snacks, when this happened. He wasn’t stupid by any means, but it was a waste to use his ability on something trivial as this-

“Mr. Ranpo! Wait for me!”

Just as he knew, you were running late meeting him

“Hey (Y/N) what took you so long?! My beloved snacks are calling for me back at the agency, and I need to answer-”

“Don’t worry, I packed you some!”

“Yeah, I already knew that since that’s the reason you’re late. And before you ask, you look out of breath, the receipt is still crumpled in your hand, and I see some crumbs from something you already ate on your clothes.”

Huh. Was it that obvious? You guess so...

Or maybe Ranpo really is the world’s greatest detective!

“I know, I know. I’m the best, no need to tell-”‘

“Mr. Ranpo, you deserve all the praise that you get. You’re someone I want to be like when I get older.”

“Hm?”, there you go praising him again, but you were crying

“I feel like people don’t take you seriously like they should, Just because you don't fight like the others doesn’t mean that you’re not a valuable asset to the group! And I wish people saw you like how I do! You’re my inspiration to do my best everyday. And I know that I can’t be the best detective, but I want to be as strong and intelligent and brave just like you so I can save people and be a motivating hero like you!”

He’s silent, and your words are sinking in. You’re wiping away your tears, the start of an apology on the tip of your tongue, when he suddenly put his hand on top of your head

He’s staring right at you, glasses on and green eyes open for you to see

“You’re already on your way there (Y/N). That I know. And I’m never wrong with my deductions, let alone when using my ability.”

The flood gates have OPENED 

You know that he doesn’t technically have an ability, but that doesn’t stop you from accepting his words and finding them as the truth. If Ranpo said it, he meant it. He was the world’s greatest detective, and you didn’t have any doubt in him

“Now let’s go, it’s going to start raining and I don’t want us to be hungry and drenched. Plus, Kunikida is totally freaking out and thinking that we’re both lost and in some criminal’s hideout right now.”

After that fateful day, the dynamic shifted between you two. Instead of you just doing the work, he pushed it off on someone else so he could explain to you about the different cases he had to solve, and other detective matters

Really he was just bragging and having you both slack off, but it didn’t matter you guys were still having fun

It even got to a point where he shared some snacks with you from his sacred snack pile

BOY WAS THAT THE TALK OF THE OFFICE 

All in all, while he knew that you couldn’t be the greatest detective (that was his title after all), he would help you get to your goal regardless. Not that you would need a lot of extra help, he was watching over you after all, and you already have a good head on your shoulders along with the heart of a hero

Every Sherlock needs a Watson, and he deducted that it wasn’t too bad having you by his side

[tender-rosiey]

Hi there, just wondering if I could put in a request for Ranpo, Chuuya, Akutagawa, Atsushi and Kunikida working with (and maybe even falling for???) someone who is super energetic and boisterous (reminiscent of bb nishinoya)?

I hope this makes sense 🥺 have a good day/night

❥ Bsd Characters working and falling for an energetic reader

Includes: Ranpo,Kunikida, Chuuya, Atsushi and Akutagawa

ᴀ/ɴ: I hope you like this 🥺❤️ I hope you have a wonderful day/night as well dear! This will be fun since I am a Nishinoya kinnie 👀

Ranpo Edogawa:

This adorable bby

“CAN I GET PAIRED UP WITH Y/N?!”

Chaotic duo

You guys are literally the sunshine’s of the Agency

He loves hanging out with you

You are the only person he shares his snacks with

Ranpo, yosano and you are a wonderful trio

Your missions together are always enjoyable and fun

Makes you laugh because he loves the sound of your laugh but you didn’t hear that from me

So yeah he would love working with you

It always brightens up his day

He literally subconsciously smiles when you enter

You guys like to buy candy and stroll the around the city together

Now falling for you

It will be a very fun rollercoaster for our dear detective

You can sometimes be unexpected even to him

Despite being an open book and being the most energetic and sunshine bby in the agency

Sometimes he gets surprised with stuff you do

If you hug him out of excitement then he will be normal in front of you and hug you

With a cute “YAY Y/N-CHAN HUGS!”

But after you turn your cute face away he wil be a blushing mess

And alone

He will be reconsidering his life choices and thank the heavens about blessing him with you

Let’s talk about when someone makes you sad

He will guilt trip them and ruin their self-esteem

“Are you stupid enough to make Y/N sad?”

He will give you his candy so your cute smile can be present again

Kunikida Doppo:

opposites attract check ✨

Yes queen

However he finds you somewhat more tolerable than another bandage wasting machine

He does keep your hyper state at bay though

“Y/N calm down.”

“YES SIR”

Smile at him though and he will let you do anything you want

Except blowing up the city 🤡

Enjoys your company when you are calm

Doesn’t mean he doesn’t when you are energetic

He enjoys it nonetheless but likes calm conversations between you two

Likes to softly smack you on the head with his book of ideals

SOFTLY AND LIGHTLY THO

He doesn’t like people who hit innocent ladies

Smiles at you when he sees you happy

Behind your back tho

A fond soft smile

Soft kunikida yay <3

He is like your legal guardian

“Y/N GET OFF THE ROOF!”

“COME AND GET ME hehe~”

Speaking of “hehe” or giggling

He loves it

And when he falls for you, your personality would be a major reason

“She doesn’t meet 13 of my ideals...HOW DID I FALL FOR HER”

Cue you laughing and greeting him

“Oh yeah that’s why”

You balance out the serious or stern attitude of his with the bubbly and energetic attitude of yours

Ruffles your hair when he is proud

Is kunikda the type to wink?

Absolutely not

Unless ;)

Sometimes you prank our dear blonde here so yes he gets a little mischievous with you

You are buried in a lot of work?

Kunikida will pass by and wink at you

Yes that fine man is what got you the work

And that’s the only time you will find him winking at your perfect figure (yes you are perfect and if you dare oppose then I will hug you to death)

Kunikida winking pls 🤭

He will scold anyone who dares and make you sad

“WE HAVE A RULE THAT LITERALLY SAYS NEVER MAKE Y/N SAD”

They don’t but he hates seeing you down

Chuuya Nakahara:

You are his child that he will beat anyone that will touch or make sad

He sees you as this precious day of sunshine in the port mafia

That literally makes everyone smile

So

He protects you with his laifu cause you are a potential waifu

But we will talk about that later on

SO

He enjoys working with you

You make the mission much lighter to deal with

But

If he is annoyed and can’t handle any noise around him

Then he will calmly ask you to calm down and tell you that he had a rough day before

He loves how you are understanding and nod smiling

Pets your head

“AYE AYE DONT MAKE Y/N SAD OR I WILL FUCK YOU UP”

Kouyou taught elegance for nothing 😔

He starts falling for your cute self

At a point chuuya will view your smile as a blessing

Specially if he is the one who causes it

Loves your personality and how you never fail to cheer him up

Soft smiles whenever you aren’t looking cause my man has a reputation to keep

He adores your hugs btw

“Thanks sunshine”

Yes that is his nickname for you even before getting together

You know how sometimes people run their knuckles onto someone’s head when mad?

He does that when you do something stupid

But he does it gently

When you are sad

Then all hell is let loose

At everyone but you 🥰

And Mori cause Chuuya isn’t fucked up in the mind so he can mess with that guy

Will let you hug him out

Tries and make you smile by telling you funny stories about dazai and how stupid he is

“You are my sunshine. My only sunshine.”

A line he had wrote in his diary while describing you

Yes I believe he has a diary but it will die with him

Atsushi Nakajima:

He adores you

Like another bby that will protect you

You are like Kenji but more energetic

He can never say no to you

Gets beyond flustered when you hug him

Likes seeing you hyper

Watches over you in case shit goes down

He enjoys missions with you

They are so much fun :0

You guys even go around Yokohama and get whatever you want after you are done

These cutesy smiles whenever you are super excited over something

Will get you anything and everything

Will apologize on your behalf if someone gets harmed by whatever you did

Per example

You broke a vase in the blinds of being so excited for the mission

Atsu will put you behind him and apologize

The owner of the bar of course will forgive you cause

A cute innocent boy and a ball of sunshine standing in front of him

He can’t be a cruel little shit to you so he lets you go without anything

Probably gives you something as a souvenir 🤡

He will do anything so you don’t ever feel down

However if you do then he will be by your side trying to making you laugh

Comfort you

You name it

He treasures your smile dearly even before loving you romantically

But as bby fell for you

He payed attention to little things you do even more

If he isn’t working on something on the agency then he is staring at you with a smile and releases a dreamy sigh

He could be going through a shit of a day and he will be at his best when he sees you

You know how he got flustered over hugging him?

Yeah now he becomes a tomato and lays on the floor fanboying

Simp

Whenever you greet him then he will blush, rub the back of his neck and waves shyly

His crush on you is so obvious though

Y/N RELEASE THE BOY FROM THE HELL OF BEING OBLIVIOUS TO YOUR FEELINGS AND TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke:

It’s heaven and hell for him hen he works with you

You are a great duo

But that’s not the actual heaven part

So what’s good about it is that he finds your presence sort of comforting

But GOODNESS IF YOU ARENT SO NOISY

He can’t handle it

Literally like tsukki to yams

“HEY AKUTAGAWA”

“Y/N shut up”

“No :D”

Little glares when you are too loud

He doesn’t really care about anyone around him

But

It slightly bothers him when you are down

He is so used to your bubbly and energetic attitude so to see something opposite to that is

Annoying in a sense or another

Flicks your forehead

“Cheer up idiot, it’s weird when you are sad”

How considerate wow

And falling for you would be something that surprised him

Aside from Higuchi trying to kill you

Aku started to savor your energetic attitude or aura

Slowly liked it

He even smiles a really really smol smile when you are looking at something

And like YOU ARE REALLYYYYY EXCITED

Pats you on the shoulder when proud

Yes he is copying “DAZAiIIIiiiiIi-sAaAaAAaaN”

Also now he can’t say no to you

“AKUTAGAWA I WANT CHOCOLATE”

“No”

Keep jumping around while smiling and saying please

And akutagawa will go “tch”

And let you get whatever you want

Oh yeah now that he likes you

Anyone that makes you sad loses an arm 😽

Overprotective

copyright © 2020 tender-rosiey

do not copy or plagiarize or you will be reported

[tayaminaka]

Can I ask for the sacrificed s/o for daughter scenario for Ranpo, Yosano?, Tanizaki, Akutagawa, Edgar and Fyodor. You can get rid of Fyodor if the list is too long

"S/O and her Daughter were Kidnapped and S/O sacrifices herself." with Ranpo Edogawa,Yosano Akiko,Junichiro Tanizaki,Akutagawa Ryūnosuke,Edgard Allan Poe and Fyodor Dostoyevsky [Part Two]

Ranpo Edogawa

When he saw your cold body on the floor, his hands formed into fists

He was too late and that angered him

His mind is empty and full at the same time

The first days he won’t go anywhere. Simply sitting in his room, not talking to anybody until after around five day’s Fukuzawa confronts him with it

That day he had an actually mental breakdown. Yelling at Fukuzawa until tears of anger and sadness are streaming down his face

After that day he actually got better and could take care of your daughter again (Yosano helps him with it even if he says he could do it himself)

Now the Armed Detective Agency would have two little sweet tooth’s

She would sit beside him, mostly eating some candy or simply try to help everybody in the office

As a goodnight story he would mostly tell her about some cases he solved or something about you

They usually don’t speak about you or what happened. It isn’t a forbidden topic but still not really welcomed

Because it usually reminds him that he had failed

They would also go togheter to work and some sweet shops .Though she mostly brings him to them

After all she has still something from you

„Papa this is the wrong direction. We need to go left and not right.” said she as she pulled on his sleeve

He would raise her to the next great detective

When she gets old enough she would go with him to some murder scenes and they would mostly have a competition who’s gonna catch the murder first

The Armed Detective Agency would be like a second family to her

Because everybody takes care of her. Even if she gets older they would still take care of her

When she’s old enough they both would go to the cemetery

She would simply sit in front of your grave and talk to you what happened and that she misses you

Yosano Akiko

Hot tears streamed down her face as she grabbed the one who killed you by his colar with a crazy smile and turned on her chainsaw

She’s gonna use her ability over and over again on your kidnappers

First she would let them scream in agony and then simply heal them only to start over again with her torture

Until someone from the Armed Detective Agency finally stops her

After your dead she will be full with sorrow and anger

But who wouldn’t ?

Everything was perfect and beautiful until those people came

But after some time sorrow will wanish and acceptance will come

Of course she won’t forget you and the sorrow and hate will still be in her heart

But she will try to go on. For you and your daughter

She would make your daughter a cute but at the same time elegant nurse costume

Make a little bag for her and put a little first-aid-kit in it for any case

She will bring her to work and make her, her little assistant

Your daughter would mostly go around the whole office and ask everyone if they are hurt or need help

Ooh you should see her face when she saw Dazai with his bandages

She imidiatly ran to her mama because she thought that he might die

She mostly will treat little injuries like paper cuts or bruises

„Aah Tanizaki-kun, you should be more careful so that you don’t cut yourself again.” said your little daughter as she put a cute band aid on his hurted finger

Even if she gets older she would still be her little assistant and work in the infirmary with her (still with a little nurse outfit only more mature)

Sometime both would sit in the kitchen togheter behind a cup of tea, looking at some old photos of you two

Of course it’s painful for her but your daughter needs to know about those memories

God forbid that somebody hurts her daughter

Because the person will experience her extra "good" treatment

Junichiro Tanizaki

God may have mercy with those who kidnapped and killed you because he won’t

After he discovers your dead he’s in pure rage

Did you see what happened with Higuchi when she hurted Naomi?

He’s gonna make the exact same thing with your killers but much worse...without any mercy

The whole Armed Detective Agency will see him in a whole new light

After that you won’t see a smile on his face a long time

But after some time for himself and a talk with Naomi he would get a little better

Naomi would always help him raising your daughter

And of course putting her in lots of cute dresses

„Uhm...What are you doing?” asked Atsushi your ten year old daughter who was sitting under his table

„Playing hide and seek with auntie Naomi. Now put that chair back or she will find me.” whispered she and pulled the chair back to it’s place

It wouldn’t be a secret for your daughter that Naomi isn’t her real mother

But she would still love her, even if she isn’t her mom

Even if she gets older he would be still a little overprotective and he won’t hesitate to protect her with his life

Mostly after long walks togheter he would give her a piggyback ride to the dorm, like he once did it with you

If she feels sad because she misses you to much he’s gonna try to comfort her.

He would hug her, pet her head and simply give her a chance to let it all out

But he knows that all this is only a small consolation for her

Akutagawa Ryūnosuke

When he found your daughter crying over your corpse he snapped

In less than five minutes everything and everyone was dead and destroyed

Only the quite sobs from you daughter were heard in the distance as he slowly went away with her

Now that everything is over he would mostly become colder and sometimes even aggressive towards everything

Even if Gin try’s to talk to him he would simply brush her off, saying harshly that everything is fine

But don’t trust it

On the inside he’s really disappointed and sad about everything that happened. Sometimes even hating himself for his weakness

If he needs to do more work Gin will mostly help him out in her free time by babysitting your daughter

She would also teach her some self-defence, maybe even some tricks with a knife so that she’s not completely helpless

But when she’s busy too, he will go to Higuchi

She would mostly take her without any doubts and with the most happy expression ever (because her senpai is trusting her)

If your daughter is old enough and ask her nicely, she would secretly even teach her how to handle a gun

His expression would always be serious and cold but your daughter sees trought it and smiles everything he praises her or give her something

On some free days they both would go to the cemetery

Not for a long time, but long enough so that you daughter can speak a little with you and lay fresh flowers on your grave

He isn’t good with words so mostly when your daughter is crying he would get on his knee and simply let her hug him

He would mostly hug her back a little and sometimes,rarely but sometimes pet her head

That usually helps her to calm down and organize herself a little

„Don’t cry...” he said as he pulled your daughter a little more to him so that she could bury her face in his coat.

Edgar Allan Poe

Oooh how much anger and sadness shot trough his body

He couldn’t believe you were dead

Everything was like a awful nightmare and he just wanted to wake up

But you can’t wake up from reality

The first weeks he was depressed, laying in your once shared bed, hoping that maybe you would come back

He will lose his fully inspiration in writing books until one day he saw your daughters drawing where he was writing

After that he would pull himself together and soon everything would be a little normal again

After that accident Karl would be your daughters faithful companion

Everytime she would go somewhere on her own ,he would simply sit on her shoulders

When she can’t sleep or has nightmares Karl would lay right beside her so that she could cuddle with him

It usually helps her to fall asleep in such nights

But when even that doesn’t help she would take Karl and go to Poe to sleep in his bed

„Good Night, Papa...” she whispered as she nuzzle up to him a little more, holding Karl in her arms.

„Good Night...” he answered, wrapping a arm around her after he pulled th blanket a little up so that she doesn’t freeze.

He would also write books for her with the best memories you two ever had

So that your daughter can experience the most beautiful memories by herself

Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Well when he found out about your dead the fate of the kidnapping was sealed

With the most serious and cold expression he ordered Nikolai to get rid of them and bring his little daughter to him

He would be a little like Akutagawa. On the outside there would be simply nothing but on the inside something in him would ache for days

When the right time has come he would introduce her properly to the members

Ivan would always call her little master. He would take care of her, protect her and make her her favourite delicious tea

Sigma would mostly babysit her and be her little friend. Even if she gets older he would be still her friend and sometimes even a brother figure

Well Nikolai would always call her either little Dos-kun or little mouse. He would aways raise her mood with his magic tricks though he sometimes overdo it...

„Papa, Papa uncle Nikolai’s head fell off.” she yelled running towards him with tears in her eyes. In the distance you could see Nikolai’s head laying on the floor with an innocent look like nothing happened

Sometimes when she has trouble with sleeping he would put her on his lap so that she can sleep in his arms while he's "working"

Nobody would know about her existence again. In every date about her would stand "Missing" or "Deceased"

When she has an ability he will use her in his plans as a little trump card because not even a soul knows that she’s still alive and with him

He will teach her all the stuff from simply unlock locks to manipulating people

He would mostly forbid her to go out and visiting your grave

After all, nobody should ever know his little mouse but thanks to his teaching she would simply sneak out when nobody is watching

She would bring fresh flowers to your grave in the summer and brush off the snow in the winter

Always having you in her memories

[arigatouiris]

the fool’s curse // akutagawa ryunosuke x reader

Author’s Note: I absolutely adore Akutagawa and think he deserves the world; and I can definitely see him as being soft with someone he has feelings for and whoop why not give his coughing a reason anyway lmao. Hope you enjoy!

Word count: 8k+

Pairing: Akutagawa Ryunosuke x Reader

Summary: ［Ａｋｕｔａｇａｗａ ｘ Ｒｅａｄｅｒ］: Akutagawa wasn't someone who hoped, he chased after what he believed he deserved, like a dog chasing after cars. Futility was part of existence, after all, and it was a fact he believed he had accepted. Every part of your existence was a bane to his, and he was cursed to have even met you. Love was nothing but a fool's curse, and Akutagawa hated being one. Especially when it was physically killing him in the form of lilac petals infused with blood. [Hanahaki AU]

Warnings: angst to fluff, soft aku, mentions of blood, swearing (because Aku ofc), softness, tooth-rotting fluff, some angst if you squint (Also Chuuya makes an appeareance bc I love that shrimp mafioso)

If Akutagawa could place together pieces of why he was aggravated by your very presence, it wouldn’t have led him to where he currently was. Avoiding your gaze, coughs multiplied by numerous ramifications, hands shaking, forehead breaking out into a sweat—he had never felt more obscenely weak than sitting before you on his bed, having your keen gaze observe his frail body. Numbness coursed through his veins and never before had he wished to disappear more than right then; it was suffocating to sit in front of you while you wordlessly judged him, deemed him moronic in that pretty little head of yours. He stilled momentarily before slapping himself internally; you were no such person. You wouldn’t judge another. The entire reason for his predicament right then was simply because of how perfect you were.

    And no perfect human being would dare judge another. Especially not someone as broken as he.

    “Is it…” You sounded so defeated, he’d have done anything to hear your giggles and laughter once again, but life wasn’t as giving to him. It had never been. “Is that person… me?”

    Indeed, it had always been you. Ever since he had laid his eyes on you, ever since there had been that cursed deepening between the bond he shared with you, the moronic display of his own version of affection that on odd days caught him off guard—ever since he had coughed out blood infused with purple-magenta lilacs, he had known that it was you. He wasn’t familiar with the disease he carried, but he deemed it a fool’s curse to be caught with a feeling as hopeless as this. Yet, you were the one to once again aid him. You were the one who had told him what was happening and it had thus become inevitably clear to him as if it wasn’t clear already; Akutagawa “Rabid Dog” Ryuunosuke was hopelessly, carelessly, irrevocably, and painfully in love with you—a commoner, a medical student, a moron.

*

The first time Akutagawa saw you was when he was returning from a minor mission. It was something Higuchi herself could have easily handled, but there wasn’t a chance the dog was letting his subordinates handle an entire subgroup on their own. Intimidation was something Akutagawa did best, and it was the one thing he looked forward to when concerned with minor missions such as these. Not that anyone minded that he tagged along; however, once it was done, there was no more reason for him to waste any more time around the area. Returning to the car, he merely had to just stand near the vehicle for Higuchi to come running and start the engine, heading back to the headquarters.

    A sudden break harshly pulled him out of his reverie and that was when he saw you—on the other end, hands outstretched and a pleading look in your eye. It wasn’t that he was always quick to anger, he knew there was a reason why you were stopping traffic, and when he craned his neck to look at what you were shielding, the answer was clear. There was a man, frothing from his mouth, shaking uncontrollably on the ground and there you were, wearing a white coat, hair pulled behind you in a messy bun, eyes far too tired to be seen in such broad daylight, begging him to stop his car so that she can at least move the man.

    “What should I do, senpai?” Higuchi asked, her voice cold. “Should I ram into—“

    “No,” Akutagawa leaned back and watched, “This doesn't concern me.”

    “Looks like the man is having an epileptic attack.” The blonde woman said, blinking.

    It didn’t matter to him what was happening with the man, but when you pulled yourself over to the window by which Akutagawa sat, he was alerted. You knocked twice, albeit pleadingly at his window, before he turned to Higuchi who easily read the look he gave her incorrectly. Pulling out a gun, she threatened to shoot you before ordering you to back away, but you stood there, staring right into her eyes expressionlessly. Akutagawa blinked before wondering where else he had seen eyes as devoid of fear as yours before lowering his window.

    “What do you want?”

    “That man is dying,” You said, “You’re the Port Mafia, right?”

Higuchi hissed before shoving her gun forward, but you paid her no heed.

    “That’s right. Back away while you know what’s good for you, peasant.” Akutagawa said, looking away from you.

    “The Port Mafia loves the city, correct? I’m sure whoever your leader is would agree that saving one man is also in a way keeping the peace. Help me take him to a hospital, and you’ll never see this peasant again.”

    Just before Higuchi could try to intimidate you once more, Akutagawa stopped her. It was not the kindness of his heart that decided to go with your pleas. It was not anything to do with a positive emotion at all, it was simply the fact that the nearest hospital was 500 meters ahead, and a frail person like yourself couldn’t possibly move a dying man on your own. You immediately turned to the epileptic man and ignored the helpless, ignorant onlookers before putting one arm under his shaking one, and attempted to pull him forward; however, a long, dark cloth-like substance wrapped itself around the man before pulling him inside the car forcefully, earning a gasp out of you. You stared at Akutagawa before nodding and following him inside. You sat beside the dying man before offering him a piece of metal and placed it in between his mouth, to prevent him from biting his tongue off in shock. Akutagawa watched you from the rear-view mirror without a word, wondering if he was doing something idiotic or if he was actually carrying forward the legacy his organization aimed to keep.

    “Senpai,” Higuchi whispered, “Are you sure… this is fine?”

    He didn’t answer her but instead turned to you. He noticed that your white coat was no ordinary lab coat, you were a doctor. This explained why you looked so tired and why you wanted to help a random man on the road, but what it didn’t explain was how unfazed you were with Higuchi’s threats earlier; this was what alerted Akutagawa in the first place. The eyes you wore maliciously, the eyes devoid of emotion, especially for a young doctor—it wasn’t ordinary.

    “Is there a reason why you’re staring at me?” You asked, turning to him.

    “How dare you—“

  “Shut up, Higuchi,” He scolded before turning to you with a snarky smirk, “You’re a doctor. Surely, you should know you can’t help everyone you see. You saw the people around you, those are the people you’re trying to protect. Your efforts are futile if it’s thankless.”

    “So are yours,” You answered instantly, not meeting his gaze. “Just living is thankless, and yet we thrive. It’s both fascinating and utterly stupid.”

    The car stopped and you instantly ran out before calling in someone from the hospital to help you carry the man away. Akutagawa couldn’t forget what you had said; the words slipped out of you as if you memorized them, it was marvelous how effortlessly you had replied to his attempt at minor intimidation. It wasn’t enough for him to be allured by you but the moment Higuchi attempted to drive off, you rushed back and knocked on the window beside his face once more. This time the tired look in your eyes was more than evident, yet the chapped-lipped smile made him queasy. Akutagawa wasn’t always the receiver of such positive reactions from the general public, so this change was bizarre.

    “Even though it’s futile, or worthless, I like doing it. And you helped me. So, thank you… Uh…”

    “Akutagawa.”

    Your smile only widened before you tilted your head a bit, “Thank you, Akutagawa-san.”

    His eyes landed on your nameplate inches above your coat pocket and he memorized your name: (l/n) (y/n). He watched as you skirted around and walked into the hospital, not a word was said thereafter. He could feel Higuchi kickstart the car and drive them back to base, but as much as he’d have liked to stop thinking of you, it was, as you had said, futile.

*

The next time Akutagawa saw you was in a place he’d never expected to find you in. He stilled in his movements when he spotted you walk into the Port Mafia building, guided by two other armed men, before rushing forward to know what you were doing there. He noticed Koyo Ozaki, standing in front of the room you had just entered and he stopped before her, a questioning look in his eye. She blinked at him before wondering what he wanted, Akutagawa wasn’t the type to exchange pleasantries after all.

    “Are you looking for the other runt? He’s inside—“

    “Why was she here?”

    He should have understood that a pronoun with no prior mention to a name would barely hold any meaning to someone like Koyo. She continued to give him a blank stare before wondering if he was referring to you, the girl who had just walked in to talk to Mori. She could have wondered how the rabid dog knew someone like you, but it wasn’t her place to care. Shrugging, Koyo knew that whatever she said didn’t matter right then.

    “She’s the daughter of one of Mori-san’s old enemies. He’s trying to recruit her,” Koyo waved her hand callously in the air, “Either that or she’ll be terminated. It’s not really my problem so I don’t know. I’m here because there’s something I need to tell him after.”

    What he couldn’t understand was how you were linked to the Port Mafia. Your father was one of the enemies? Did that mean you were an enemy? Were you still linked to your father or had he been terminated beforehand? Not knowing these details, but merely remembering the way you had smiled at him angered him, and he felt a raging cough begin to itch at his throat. Koyo watched as Akutagawa coughed into his hand, feeling the familiar itch that only managed to grow till it burned his nostrils.

    “There’s a name for such a disease,” She said, eyes cloudy, “But, I can see you haven’t caught it yet.”

    The black-haired man narrowed his eyes at the cryptic words the woman said, before turning to find the door opening. You walked out, this time with no one but Nakahara Chuuya behind you. Your eyes widened when you spotted Akutagawa and a smile adorned your features. You approached him before nodding at him, as to acknowledge him. Chuuya blinked before scratching his chin.

    “You know each other?”

    “Yes—“

    “Barely,” Akutagawa said, in between coughs, “What’s she doing here?”

    “You should get that cough looked at, Akutagawa-san. I’d be happy to—“

  “Shut up,” He threatened before glaring at you, and then turning to Chuuya, “What’s going on?”

   Chuuya shrugged, “This girl’s some hot shot’s daughter, but since he’s dead, Boss decided not to worry about her. Besides, she’s harmless. No ability, just a med student.”

    “Nakahara-san, if you would please drop me back from where you rudely picked me up, I’d be grateful.”

    Chuuya groaned before shutting his eyes, “Uh, you know, Akutagawa, why don’t you drop her off? You two can catch up—“

    “I don’t know her.”

    “—and I don’t care. Thanks. See ya!”

    Koyo let out a sigh before wandering inside the room Mori-san is in. You turned to Akutagawa before letting out a sigh yourself, and bowing slightly. He watched you with annoyance plastered all over his face, wondering why in the world you were all of a sudden everywhere. Ever since meeting you, you’d been plaguing his mind like some sort of disease, it was angering. He clicked his tongue before leading you out of the building and finding Higuchi’s car. Higuchi had ensured that Akutagawa would have an additional pair of keys with him at all costs, which came in handy just then. Akutagawa hated the position he was in, completing menial tasks that were assigned to someone else first—Chuuya always pushed minor work on to him whenever he felt like it, and now, he was stuck with you—someone he felt agitated around, someone he believed, even breathing felt like carrying a boulder on his shoulders.

    “I’m very sorry about this,” You said, just a moment before stopping in front of the car, “If I had known Nakahara-san would simply push this on to you, I’d have refrained from asking him—“

    “You think I can’t do something so simple?” He snapped, glaring at you.

    “N-No, that’s… I know it’s a burden.”

    Akutagawa gave you a look, which was either a mix between confusion and fear—an unusual look for him to sport on his face, having never been used to feeling such intense positive emotions before. You were looking at him, afraid to be a burden? This was his job. There was no burden, there was no blessing. It was all worthless in the end.

    “You’re not important enough to be a burden,” He snarled, getting into the car, “Stop worrying over idiotic things.”

    “We all worry over idiotic things,” You said, smiling and getting into the car yourself, “I think it’s a part of who we are.”

    “Don’t group me along with the likes of you.”

    You stayed quiet for a second before nodding, “Yeah,” Akutagawa paused momentarily at your sudden acceptance, “You’re right.”

    What did you mean by that? What did you mean by your words? Why did they sound so heavily laced with an emotion that triggered the worst of responses from him? Suddenly, he felt the urge to either slam his hand against the steering wheel out of sheer anger or just stare at you, attempting to decipher any meaning from the words that had just slipped out of you. What a bane to his existence, when answers seemed more confusing than anything Dazai had put him through. Perhaps, you understood from his silence that he was curious about your origins, but now was not the time to unveil anything of the sort. You carried your own burdens, dark and menacing as they may be, but the only solace Akutagawa found in that second was when you turned to him with those very callous eyes and smiled instead.

    “Thank you, again.”

    This time, he did not fight back. This time, he glanced at you as if you were an enchanting representation of everything he had been missing in his life. With eyes like his, he had never imagined that a smile could even be possible—that anything positive could be linked to the way his mind worked. He had been broken beyond repair, or perhaps that was his assumption, but then again, with the way you were looking at him right then, Akutagawa felt an emotion he hadn’t felt in a desperately long time.

    He drove in silence but figured that it was the silence that made things weird for you; he could notice you trying to fill in the gaps with baseless talk, commenting on the weather, talking about patients from your med school, everything and anything that distracted him from your mysterious origins, yet, every time your words would reflect against the barrier of quiet he had put around himself, Akutagawa felt his mind land back on discovering about you. The drive to the hospital wasn’t long, but it felt like one the longest drives he had ever taken. He stopped there, before noticing you still in your seat. You were supposed to get up and leave yet there was this aching hunger in him that demanded you answer his unasked questions before going. You turned to him before blinking a few times, and before you can say anything at all, Akutagawa began to cough. It was something he carried wherever he went, and the confusion he felt around you only made it worse. This proved that you were merely a disease, an error in the making. There was nothing he would get from you apart from violent chest burns and a waste of time. You reached forward to touch him out of worry, but he grabbed your wrist so harshly you winced, pulling away out of instinct. As he coughed, he turned to you with a menacing glare—warning you to never attempt to do that again.

    “Akutagawa-san, I—“

    “Don’t,” He took a raspy breath, before coughing again, “Don’t touch me!”

    He gripped harder, knowing full well that the pressure was enough to hurt you. Yet, you sat there, worried eyes plastered toward his form. He hated it. He hated when you directed such a look toward him, he hated being scrutinized by your apparent kindness. Who were you to direct it toward him anyway? A nobody. A peasant. A moron.

    You pulled back quietly, but he wouldn’t let go. You stared at him before letting out a breath; it wasn’t sympathy that pushed you to do what you did next, it was the only human emotion you didn’t feel too ashamed displaying out in the open—care.

    “Akutagawa-san, normally when I study I go to this cafe in central Yokohama,” You pursed your lips, wondering if this information would even make a difference, “The silence there, the… the atmosphere of the place makes it too easy for me to relax and just read. And they have great tea, too!”

    “What useless information.”

    You smiled a bit before shaking your head and opening the door, “I hope I see you around, Akutagawa-san.”

    When you got out of the car, Akutagawa wasted no time in driving back. The fact remained: he stayed there any longer, he’d merely be wasting time. Yet, for some reason, your presence lingered in the seat that you were sitting in earlier, and when he thought of that he felt the sudden urge to cough yet again. However, this time, he felt a tad bit different than general. The cough that carried over began from his chest, phlegm that was never present before manifested out of nowhere and he thought for a second if he had been out in the cold for too long or if he had eaten something to have caused such a reaction, but the image of your bitter smile marred with those callous eyes of yours catered to create a tornado within his chest that left him a breathing, aching mess of disgruntled coughs that radiated a new weakness. It has to be a cold, he thought before continuing on driving back.

    Gin never asked her brother to accompany her when she took evening walks, but that evening since he was also quite free, the siblings decided to get some tea together. He always merely followed after her, since she knew the place better than he ever did; yet, Akutagawa did things differently that evening. He walked alongside his sister, mumbling something about a quiet cafe in central Yokohama, and Gin paused.

    “How do you know about that?” She asked, “It’s one of my favorite places to go to.”

    So, you weren’t lying. It must be a decent place if his sister approved of it, hence there was no reason to not go. It wasn’t as if he was going there to see you—the last thing he wanted was to see you and have you invoke that disgusting emotion in him again. The mere thought of you made him want to cough some more, but he was well hydrated that evening. He followed Gin toward the central streets, finding a lone cafe toward the end of the street; he walked inside, but when his chest ached, he realized you weren’t there.

    “The tea here is really good.” Gin said before going over to sit at a table.

    He took a few seconds before seating himself across from her, feeling the urge to cough once more. Pulling out his hand, which was nestled in his pocket, Akutagawa coughed violently into his fist, alerting his sister. As he coughed, he could feel phlegm build up in his fist but the second his eyes landed on what he had coughed out, Akutagawa froze. Mixed with his own blood sat a tiny petal, a purplish-red hue on it and he couldn’t tell if it was the blood that gave it that color or not. When he breathed in, he felt as if something were lodged in his chest and the more he coughed, the more he coughed out the petals as if there was a live plant growing inside him. Excusing himself, Akutagawa headed inside the cafe’s bathroom before finally allowing himself to cough freely. Four more petals shoved themselves out of his throat before his eyes leaked tears that burned his skin. What was this new sickness? Was this an ability?

    His eyes widened. He had understood. It was you. Ever since he had seen you, he had been infused with a different cough. This was your doing. You were trying to take out the strongest rabid dog in the mafia for your own intentions; perhaps, it was because your father was Mori-san’s enemy, perhaps you wanted revenge for something that happened in the past. Perhaps, your smile meant nothing, after all—it was all a farce so you could take him out, and Akutagawa had been the fool and fallen for your trick. He washed his hands thoroughly before knowing full well that the next time he’d see you would be him barging through your apartment door, demanding answers for what you had done to him. Whether he’d kill you or not wasn’t too clear yet, but he was sure of one thing.

    He felt like he would die if he didn’t see you. Thinking of the petals that he had coughed out, Akutagawa was more than sure that death was imminent.

*

Your hands were shaking and you could barely breathe; the anxiety rappelled from inside your mind and held a vine-like grip all over your body. You knew it was futile to try and breathe or get any studying done with the way you were being, but you had to try. Tears leaked out of your eyes and it felt as if waves were crashing inside your head and every inch of you was drowning and you did very little to try and hold on to the limited reality that was visible to you. You breathed in heavily before another sob cracked through your throat, sinking your entire body to the ground. Your books lay scattered everywhere and you tried to swallow some saliva to soothe your aching throat, but your body wasn’t listening to you and neither was your mind.

    So, at that moment, when the door barged open and black cloth-like arms wrapped around you, pulling you to the air, you let it take you. You shut your eyes before the sobs only multiplied, now you were both scared for your life and desperate, but no part of you would run. You were held in place until a familiar voice pulled you out of the reverie you were in, bringing you back to where you had been before the breakdown happened.

    “What’s wrong with you?” Akutagawa asked, narrowing his eyes.

    He hadn’t expected to find you in such a pitiful state. Surely, if you were a mastermind of deception, you’d be a little more prepared. You didn’t look like you were anywhere close to prepared, you didn’t even look like you were willing to fight. When you opened your eyes, he saw it again—the hollow, empty shells that they were despite the sobs that broke through your lips. Had he scared you? No, you had been in that pitiful state even before he got there. He felt his chest burn once again and that made him think of your ability—the one you had apparently used on him.

    “Akutagawa-san…” Your voice was raspy, and it was then he realized it might have been holding on to you far too tightly to deem comfortable. “…please…”

    He didn’t know what you were asking for but he let you down and waited. Were you going to give him the answers he needed? Was everyone going to be made clear? What was it that you did? What was your master plan?

    “I’m… I’m sorry you had to see me like that,” You said, letting out a bitter chuckle, “And… my door… You broke it.”

    He turned to look at the door and he had indeed broken it down, but that wasn’t the problem. He looked back at you before noticing that you were standing up now, walking toward your kitchen. He couldn’t understand why he let silence envelop both of you right then, but no part of him was complaining. Strangely, being around you had calmed his chest and there was no cough that radiated from within. He followed after you before watching you carefully, noticing you wipe the remaining tears that had stained your cheeks.

    “I… I get anxiety attacks around my exams. I feel like I’m never good enough. No matter how hard I work, how much effort I put it… It’s all…” You bit your lip to stop it from shaking, “…I’m not going to stop, though. I won’t stop. I want to be a doctor. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I’m going to do this. I have to.”

    “Why does your father know the boss?”

    You stilled for just a moment before continuing with making tea. You pulled out two cups, one for him and one for you, and despite not knowing him enough, the silence that he so well carried with himself was strong and special. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, an eerie thing to feel so loudly, and during every third breath, Akutagawa felt breathless.

    “My father was an assassin,” You said, “Gave up that line of work and became a drug kingpin here. Ever since I was a child, I’ve been told I was useless if I didn’t do as he told me to. I did everything. I… everything.”

    Akutagawa’s eyes widened. He watched you as you effortlessly made tea and poured it into his cup. A small dash of honey, and chamomile tea bags, and a kitchen where the aroma was enough to intoxicate a blind person. He had never imagined drinking a tea like this and yet, no part of him complained.

    “You killed people.”

    You looked barely 20 years old. So that could only mean you were a child assassin. After all, it was an easier profession for children.

    “No one expects a child to kill, especially if she’s smiling.” You smiled sweetly, yet the callous expression in your eyes never faded.

    You turned to him a second later before Akutagawa coughed into his hands, multiple petals falling into his fist and then to the floor. You froze as you realized what this was, your hands flying to his now bloody wrist. He caught the bruise he had given you the other day and made no attempt to stop you. You opened his palm and found more lilac petals, covered in phlegm and blood and you stared. Akutagawa didn’t understand what your look meant but waited nonetheless. When you looked up to meet his gaze, he could swear that the callousness in your eyes was slowly fading.

    “Akutagawa-san…” Your voice was a whisper, “This is the hanahaki disease.”

    “What is it?” His voice was coarse, again from the intense coughing.

    “It’s… It’s a sign you’re in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same for you.”

    “Love?” His eyes widened as he repeated the preposterous word, “L-Love, you say?”

    He pulled his hand away from you, letting the bloody petals fall to the floor. You looked at him pleadingly before he coughed some more, slapping the tea from the counter and spilling it everywhere.

    “What a useless emotion!” He screamed, “Love!? That’s what’s gotten me weaker?!”

    “Does it anger you that you can love?”

    He clicked his tongue before pushing you away, wondering what in the world he was even doing there in the first place. He had gotten to know who you were, he had gotten to know what your deal was and yet—every part of him wanted more. It was quiet desperation that he couldn’t quite understand or grasp to his fullest capabilities, and this inadequacy left him aching on the inside. You stared at him before pursing your lips, what more could you tell someone who refused to believe that no one could be broken enough to not love?

    “Your anger and emotional outbursts usually result when someone penetrates to the core of what you don’t like about yourself or still cannot accept.”

    “Get rid of it,” Akutagawa threatened, “Get rid of this… this thing!”

    You wondered if he knew what he was talking about. Did he even know where these emotions came from? Did he even know why he was feeling this way? Had he ever acknowledge that he could feel love for another person? You slowly got up from where you were pushed to and let out a shaky breath.

    “Akutagawa-san…” You began, “There is a way to remove it.”

    “Good. What is it?”

    “The person has to love you back.”

    “How useless—“

    You threw yourself at the man before noticing him turn fiercely rigid. While it was miraculous that he didn’t outright push you away, it was also a tad bit disappointing that he stood as if was waiting for it to be done. The first time you saw Akutagawa’s face, you had seen that he was someone who was constantly running. Either from his past, from his pain, or toward a goal he would never reach, Akutagawa’s journey revolved around his own imperfection. It was a desire that dug so deeply into you that it gave you every right to see yourself in them. After all, you had broken off such ties after your father’s demise. Yet, no part of you, physical or otherwise, had forgotten what killing had done to you. It had robbed you from a chance to live a regular life, and here was another person, going through the very same thing.

    However, to see that he had developed a disease that proved limerence in such a deep context could only mean that there was still hope left for you as well. After all, it was the deeply broken that knew how to love best. For they knew what was constantly at stake, and they know the pain of devastating loss. Pulling back, you made a vow to yourself. If you eventually did become a doctor, if you eventually did end up saving more lives than you had ended in the past, it must and should begin with Akutagawa. Because only then could you truly save yourself.

    “I’ll help you,” You said, earnestly, “I’ll make it happen.”

    Kindness, as worthless as he believed it was, did not assist in making someone stronger. It never worked with him, it never persuaded him as much as hate and pain did, yet, there was something to intoxicating about kindness that made him crave for more. As he looked into your eyes, Akutagawa saw a radiance he had only dreamt of seeing before; a radiance he had grown to believe did not exist in the world, a radiance he had attempted to protect in the past. Inching closer, Akutagawa felt the constricting in his chest increase as he closed the distance between you and him, yet, he paused. He couldn’t move a step further. You smiled a second later before holding his hands, bloody and messy, it didn’t look like you cared.

    “So, who is this person?”

*

The next time Akutagawa saw you, he wasn’t expecting to see you. A careless slip in a battle deemed him worthy of a strong injury; he was distracted by the lilacs he had been coughing out and didn’t see an incoming blow, which scraped him at his left hip—missing the bone. While he knew he could allow Higuchi to help him, every part of him ached for you. Pushing aside Higuchi, he got into the streets walking toward your apartment. He remembered the way as if it were the back of his hand, and it led him to you, painstakingly. He wanted to move faster, he wanted to see your face despite knowing that the injury wouldn’t necessarily kill him. After all, you had said you’d help him.

   The person has to love you back, you had said; and how ironic that was. Akutagawa went chasing after people who would constantly deem him inadequate; he would never be enough, and that was what this disease was telling him. It was practically ending his life because he would never be enough—and what more proof would he need? Every inch of his body craved for another and yet, the other person knew nothing of his growing limerence. It was killing him and yet, there was nothing that could save him except his own demise. What an ironic way to die, he thought, as he reached your door. You had fixed it the day after he had broken it down, and ever since, he believed that reaching you would require him to use a softer approach. Soft like your skin—the very same skin he had bruised the first time he had touched it.

    You opened the door and your eyes instantly widened; Akutagawa took one step further, but your arms wrapped around him before pulling him to your chest, his chin landing on your shoulder, your hands wrapped around his back. You could feel his heavy heartbeat before dragging him to your bed. Just as you were about to remove his jacket, he stopped you—not allowing you to touch it.

    “I…” His raspy voice scared you, “I… don’t want to hurt you.”

    “How would you—“

    He didn’t let you finish and simply removed the jacket himself, before laying on the bed; you carefully placed the jacket around the chair and got to work on Akutagawa. You carefully removed the shirt that was stained with his blood before bringing in all the required materials needed to clean his wound first. You didn’t hear a wince from him the entire time, knowing full well that it would sting him beyond belief. It was as if he was used to the pain, and wasn’t moving because somehow this pain had been familiarised. You felt your heart go out for him, but your hands continued working on his wounds. You sat beside him to his left, where the wound was, and continued dressing the large gash, before momentarily feeling his right arm grasp your wrist. You looked up to find Akutagawa staring into your eyes, some sort of pleading look embedded in them.

    “Does it hurt?”

    He shook his head before freeing you, and it was then you realized how soft his touch actually was. Unlike the last time when he had bruised your wrist, Akutagawa’s touch was almost feather like; they say soft feathers cannot make a cruel bird kind, but Akutagawa had led his entire life believing he was nothing but cruel and it took him one touch, just one touch at your wrist to learn that he wasn’t. He wasn’t sure if it was the wound that was making him think this way or if he was finally seeing things clearly, but the view he had by sitting right beside you, gazing into your form as you cleaned his wound, was the only thing he believed he’d want to see for the rest of his life. Dazai’s approval meant squat if it meant being able to sit beside you in absolute silence; if life allowed him to meet you, learn of your existence and perfection, then there was some redeeming quality in him that gave him the right to be sitting by you.

    “Doesn’t hurt.” He said, truthfully, before feeling the urge to want to touch you more. He wanted to be touched by you, and hopefully, he wouldn’t push you away as he had before. He wanted nothing more than to be gentle, feel your hair between the pads of his fingers, watch you as you studied, wrap you in his arms gently if he ever saw you crying again—Akutagawa wanted to wholeheartedly detach his anger whenever you were around and it was your existence that gave him the confidence that it was possible.

    “I…” You said, “I don’t know your full name.”

    “Akutagawa Ryunosuke.”

    You gulped before pursing your lips.

    “Is it okay if I call you Ryuu?” He blinked at you, “L-Like when we’re alone! I mean… I’m not saying I don’t like your name, I… just… well, you can call me (y/n), if you’d like! I just… I think… I like—“

    “Do as you wish.”

    You smiled a bit before taking the bandages in your hands. With the sound of your heart pounding the way it was, Akutagawa didn’t realize that it had been roughly 2 hours since he had last coughed out flowers. Perhaps, the pace with which it slowed meant something. Perhaps, it didn’t. He wouldn’t be able to tell for a while at least.

*

On odd days, Akutagawa found that his cough was getting better; a sign that presented him with an emotion he once believed was dead in him—hope. He remembered your words loud and clear that this disease called for the person he was in love with return his emotions for him to stop dying. However, the cough didn’t entirely stop. During nights when he missed your presence greatly, Akutagawa’s coughs were enhanced—lilacs poured out of his chest like a clogged waterfall let free, and his eyes stung with the intensity with which he remained a trembling mess of a person he thought he was. Despite learning to accept his emotions for you, on nights like these, Akutagawa was reminded of how weak he truly was, of Dazai’s harsh words for him that were imprinted in his very soul, of how inadequate he felt to even earn a disease such as this. When his hands shook, he felt the fear of dying—not of losing his life, but of never being able to see you again. And thoughts like this left him skirmish, it left him aching for his past-self, where he had never met you, where he wouldn’t have had to face such a metamorphosis that ridiculed him in such a manner.

    Akutagawa was not used to hoping for love, he was only, in every right, a giver. He chased after everything he thought he deserved, yet never realized that chasing it was never the right way for him to attain it. On nights like these, where he begged for a power that would rid him of his emotions for you, he’d wake up regretting those very words for the prospect of being able to see you, protect you, stay by your side and earn your precious silence. Some part of him always yearned for something that enveloped him not in a sense of passion but a calm care. Akutagawa needed someone he could rely on to not always expect him to perform or achieve some standard. Someone who saw how quiet he was and respected it. Not that no one ever had, Gin had always admired his tenacity and intrinsically quiet nature. It was the expectation that his life now put on him that broke him, more than just a little.

    The next day poured onto him excruciating pain. His chest and throat burned, and he could barely open his eyes. His sister who was living with him knew that his coughing had reached a dangerous point, yet she knew that meddling with his affairs would infuriate him more. Yet, the worry seeped out of her and she forced herself to barge into his quarters and at least ask him what she could do. It wasn’t like him to take a day off from work, but in his current state, even standing up could be a challenge.

    “Nii-san,” She voiced, “Is there something I can do? Someone I can bring who can take a look at—“

    “No. Get out.”

    Gin pursed her lips before walking away quietly, recalling with everything she had if there was someone she had seen her brother speak to who could help. She contemplated calling Chuuya, or anyone else from the Black Lizard, but involving the Mafia would only anger her brother in more ways than one. Taking in a deep breath, she found herself walking toward her favorite cafe, wanting to bring back some tea for her brother—the tea she knew he enjoyed. Calming chamomile tea always soothed him, rid his anxieties, which might even assist in his coughs. While she had no idea the origin behind those coughs, she knew they were different from the regular tickle in his throat.

    On reaching the cafe, she felt a mild tap on her shoulder, which she knew must have alerted her beyond belief, but the person whose eyes she landed on caused Gin to blink with confusion. She had seen you before, but she couldn’t understand where. You looked at her with an awkward expression, a quiet sort of worry seeping out of your bones.

    “I… I know you’re acquainted with Akutagawa-san? I was… Well, I wanted to know how he’s doing?”

    Gin’s eyes widened. Were you a friend of her brother’s? Not that she wasn’t surprised with her brother having a friend in the first place, especially that friend being a regular girl like you. She contemplated letting you know that her brother’s condition was deteriorating at a quicker pace than she had ever thought, but wondered if it was the right thing to do. What would Ryuunosuke want her to do? What would she do? Pausing for just a moment, Gin realized she was thinking too hard. She’d now do what any sister would.

    “He’s not doing so well,” She spoke honestly, “If… If you can come take a look, I think he’d appreciate it.”

    When your eyes widened with horror, Gin knew she may have done the right thing. You bit your lip and nodded, before following her out of the cafe; she led you to their shared apartment before also slipping in that she was his sister and not anyone you’d have to think too hard over. You blushed when Gin made it clear but refused to speak about it. Once inside, Gin nodded before leaving to work, knowing full well that her presence was no longer required. You jumped when you heard violent coughing coming in from a room with a closed door, and you slowly approached it, your heart pounding rapidly; however, just when you could feel your heartbeat in your ears, blinding you and depriving you of focusing on any other senses, your hands stilled before they could reach the doorknob. Sudden silence enveloped the room, and it slowly made sense to you on what was going on. With the way he was avoiding you these few days, with the way how he suddenly turned soft toward you, with the way Akutagawa helped you—your mind spat at you for never seeing it before. Tears filled your eyes before you realized that his disease was your fault, in almost every possible way, and instead of blaming you, he was taking it on himself.

    “Ryuu?”

    Akutagawa froze on the bed where he lay before staring at the ceiling. With the rapidity of his growing coughs, he was almost sure that you would never return his affections; he didn’t even want affection, in the first place. What Akutagawa wanted and needed never intersected, they were parallels that would never meet, yet somehow you were now standing opposite his door, calling him by a name no one would dare call him by.

    And the strangest thing of all, he let you.

    “What are you doing here?” Violent coughs only made his voice sound weaker than he felt, and he hated every second of it.

    “Can I come inside?”

    “How did you get here?” He sounded angry now, almost raging.

    “Please,” His heart ached when you pleaded. He’d give you anything in a heartbeat, but he couldn’t understand why this was so hard, “I want to see you.”

    His eyes widened. You wanted to see him? While it didn’t make sense, no reply from him gave you the assurance you needed to enter the room he was in, and the second his eyes fell on your form, Akutagawa felt breathless. He couldn't take his gaze from you. Your wide, wondering eyes were like soft midnight, star-glittered with forgotten tears. The curves of your body looked firm and sweet, nothing but inviting, sensual softness. If you were his... he might finally have the sense of ease other men had. No more spending every minute of the day striving and hungering and never feeling sated. But, was that even possible?

    “The hanahaki disease,” You began, standing a few feet away from him, “It’s when you love a person who doesn’t feel the same,” He could hear your voice tremble, and he felt like scum for letting it get here, “I’m not sure entirely but…”

    If Akutagawa could place together pieces of why he was aggravated by your very presence, it wouldn’t have led him to where he currently was. Avoiding your gaze coughs multiplied by numerous ramifications, hands shaking, forehead breaking out into a sweat—he had never felt more obscenely weak than sitting before you on his bed, having your keen gaze observe his frail body. Numbness coursed through his veins and never before had he wished to disappear more than right then; it was suffocating to sit in front of you while you wordlessly judged him, deemed him moronic in that pretty little head of yours. He stilled momentarily before slapping himself internally; you were no such person. You wouldn’t judge another. The entire reason for his predicament right then was simply because of how perfect you were.

    And no perfect human being would dare judge another. Especially not someone as broken as he.

    “Is it…” You sounded so defeated, he’d have done anything to hear your giggles and laughter once again, but life wasn’t as giving to him. It had never been. “Is that person… me?”

    A fool’s curse, he had deemed it—love was nothing but just that. He was a dark, damaged individual with a past that deemed him unworthy of your gaze, of your silence, of your soft fingers grazing his hair in dreams that felt forbidden to even wake from; Akutagawa wondered why it was that he even fell for you, in such a short duration of time, with limited interaction, with wordless conversations. And yet, the answer hit him. He didn’t need much from you, only a smile. A smile from your callous eyes, eyes that were like how his once were; and when he was someone who couldn’t smile the way you did, you had won over life in a way he never had. This sight—this very sight of your victory over a life that had deemed you unworthy, captured his heart. In you, Akutagawa saw every single desire that he had locked away, that he had deemed irrational and asinine. And you wore the irrational and asinine parts with pride.

    When he didn’t answer, the answer came to you. Tears leaked down your eyes as you reached forward and combed his hair, feeling him tense under your touch. Akutagawa wasn’t touch-starved, he didn’t starve for something he had no idea about. Yet, when your fingers skimmed through his hair, the need to breathe followed quickly after. He shut his eyes and leaned into your touch almost instinctively, before feeling you wrap your other hand around his neck and pull his head to your chest. You stood beside him as he sat on his bed, his head resting on the valley of your breasts. Your hold tightened and Akutagawa felt like he could die right then and there would be no regrets.

    “Ryuu…” You cooed, rubbing your hands in his hair. You smelt divine, almost intoxicating and he wondered if opening his eyes would have you disappear. You pressed your chin to the top of his head and he felt so ridiculous, he wondered if he should push you away or pull you closer. You answered his question by bringing yourself closer anyway, pressing your nose to his hair.

    “I’m so sorry,” You said, tears leaking out of your eyes. “I love you! I do! I love you so much!”

    Akutagawa’s eyes widened, before he turned, only to be pressed into your chest more. He calmly lifted one of his hands, touched your arm and pushed you away slightly, and noticed your drenched face. He looked at you like you were a fool, before shaking his head.

    “You said I’ll stop coughing once the person I—“

    “Yeah—“

    “I haven’t stopped coughing.” He said, eyeing you like you were a liar.

    You shook your head before throwing your hands softly against either of his cheeks; you could see them turning red, but you didn’t mind.

    “That was because you truly believed I couldn’t return your feelings, Ryuu. How will your disease know I love you if you don’t believe it first?”

    Was it truly that simple? It marveled him at how much of a moron you were, feeling love for a murderer like himself, but you were crying for him—you were miraculously here in his apartment, holding him like your life was dependent on it. He was no fool, and he never really pushed aside what his eyes were seeing, so while he was slowly becoming aware that you returned his feelings, he wanted to scold you for the dumbest choice you had ever made. Yet, instead of doing any of that, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke did something else that took your breath away.

    Reaching forward, he grazed the pads of his fingers across your cheek, wiping a stray tear that threatened to fall lower, and he tried smiling. Callous eyes and a hopeful smile—the only thing that got him to fall for you, Akutagawa now tried his best to return it, knowing full well he owed you at least that much. Your eyes widened at the sight he presented you with before you placed a shaky hand on his that was on your cheek. Leaning into his touch, you wondered if two broken people could ever love, yet, with the way he was smiling right then, you would be damned if you came close to calling him broken.

    Leaning forward, boldly, you placed a kiss on his head, causing his eyes to turn to saucers with the unfamiliar action. You felt him tense up once again, and you held him close despite that, knowing full well that whatever was foreign to him wasn’t essentially bad, all you had to do was familiarise Akutagawa to love and he would learn to accept it better. Looking up, he pulled you down from the back of your neck and pressed his lips to yours—you could feel how dry they were, yet, that didn’t stop you from kissing him back. You could feel his hands tremble with the way he was holding you, not used to pressing softly, yet hard at the same time. When Akutagawa pulled apart from you a few moments later, it felt as if he was breathing for the first time. You allowed yourself to sit beside him now, enveloping the silence around you as if it were a comforting blanket. He looked at you so gently, slipping his arm around you and stroking your hair with a movement so soft you wondered if he realized he was doing it. He was capable of such softness that it presented as a strength instead of what he truly believed it was.

*

Nakahara Chuuya often finds himself in strange wine stores, looking for the wine he knew he could spend money on, wine more expensive than the one he had bought previously, keeping up with a mental game with himself. Walking out of the store, he spotted you—someone he believed he’d never see again, wearing a sundress and hair done up in a complicated plait that had you looking cute if he were being honest. He shook his head before focusing on getting home and drinking to some food, but just as he turned away, he turned back to you with wide eyes, almost dropping the wine he had bought, but he was glad he had his ability to prevent that from happening.

    What the f*ck? Chuuya thought when he saw Akutagawa slip his hand in yours, in a movement so casual that it seemed almost out of character for a rapid dog to act like a Labrador in love. You smiled at Akutagawa who returned half of it before Chuuya wounded if he was looking at Akutagawa at all in the first place. A moment later, he noticed the man slip his arm around your waist before leading you away from the area, in such a nonchalant yet casual manner that it left bewildered Chuuya to just stand there with his mouth ajar and heart raging. How the f*ck does that runt have a lover? Chuuya’s thoughts weren’t jealous, or even close, but it was a pure shock that left him jaw-dropped.

Well, whatever, he thought, before heading home, reminded thanks to Akutagawa and his new girlfriend that Chuuya was to drink alone that night. Again.

[aarcanechaoss]

2. Afraid

YPHS is a clever team, they did their research. They know how to beat their opponents with grins on their faces. Reality hits for the teams at the training camp, cockiness gets you no where in Yokohama is seems.

The first day of training everyone got to watch the matches, just made it easier to get into the motion of things... and so all the teams could learn how the Yokohama team worked. Was it signals? Words? Pure practice? Telepathy! They just worked so well together.

Gin adjusted her mask and took her place on the court giving a sneaky wink to Atsushi who’s face became dusted in pink. Ryoko laughed to herself as she took place on the court across from Karasuno’s Ace Asahi Azumane. She quirked a brow at him and winked making him blush and cough- in turn the pinkette began laughing.

“Don’t tease the opposition Fukami.” Fyodor reprimanded. “It’s unbecoming.”

She poked her tongue out his way before letting a lazy grin rest on her lip. “Make me Dostoevsky.”

Akutagawa groaned at their interaction and turned to Dazai and Chuuya who hadn’t taken place yet.

“Game plan five!” Chuuya yelled with a feral grin once Dazai had taken place in front of Kageyama.

“Game plan five.” The team chorused- the other teams looked apprehensive- what did that even mean?

“Karasuno can pick how they’d like to start.” Hirotsu said to Ukai who nodded to Daichi.

“We’d like to receive.” Karasuno’s Captain said missing the YPHS’ animalistic grins.

“Karasuno are fucked.” Oikawa muttered, Iwaizumi only nodded.

“Go Hinata!” Atsumu yelled out making the ginger boy grin brightly.

“Christ he’s like the fucking sun!” Ryoko barked out. “Be prepared little crows, your wings might get clipped.” Her orange eyes seemed to glow at the challenge, one Tanaka and Nishinoya were more than willing to make a fuss over.

Dazai threw the ball into the air, eyes locked onto the space between the two middle blockers as his palm hit the volleyball. Like slow motion Karasuno and the other teams watched the ball go from Dazai’s hand to exactly where he wanted it to land. A loud THUNK pulled them out of their stupor. Tanaka and Nishinoya were the first to yell out.

“How!?” Hinata yelled out amazed.

“Well I threw the ball in the air and then hit the ball.” Dazai said making Chuuya snort.

“Hinata withhold your fanboying until after the match.” Daichi reminded.

“Oh right sorry.” He smiled.

The game continued like that, Ryoko always hitting back but never very hard. Tanaka however got cocky and sent a ball her way but she was quick hit it right back at him. The ball stayed in the air for a few more hits before Dazai was sent the ball, he bent back, Karasuno expecting him to send the ball to Atsushi but with a quick flick of the wrist sent to Gin who happily slammed the ball down to where Tsukishima had been standing moments ago.

One serve from Karasuno looked to be giving them a point but the pinkette was quick, knees sliding on the ground, arms connecting with the ball.

“Akutagawa!”

Ennoshita and Yamaguchi were right. They had their asses handed on silver platters. With only one point to Karasuno’s names they bowed their heads and thanked Yokohama for the game.

Hinata while saddened by their loss made a beeline for Ryoko and Atsushi who hadn’t quite left the court yet.

“Hello! I’m Shoyo Hinata, first year, middle blocker and future Ace.” He said joyfully making the two taller students chuckle.

“I know we said our names earlier but as a proper introduction I’m Ryoko Fukami, second year, Ace and opposite hitter.”

“Atsushi Nakajima, first year and middle blocker same as you.” The silver haired boy said shyly. Hinata beamed at them.

“When you guys are free could I ask your team questions on your skills and teamwork?” The ginger asked, eyes shaking in excitement. He was practically buzzing. The second year barked a laugh and nodded.

“Yeah Chuuya will have some good tips for you- both being short and I don’t mean that in a bad way so I hope that didn’t offend ya sunshine.” Ryoko said. Hinata only seemed to glow brighter. “Plus it’s a training camp you are meant to learn.”

“She’s right.” Atsushi confirmed with a nod.

“Thank-you so much!” He bowed before running to grab Kageyama who seemed to be brooding over whether he should talk to Dazai about his sets. He didn’t but he thought about it.

Fyodor made a notion to head towards Ukai so both teams could talk to each other’s coaches which they smiled at.

“Hello I’m coach Ukai and this is their faculty advisor Takeda.” Ukai announced before nodding slightly behind him. “These are the managers Kiyoko and Yachi.”

“Hi.” The team said.

“Look I don’t have much to say so I’ll keep it quick, you guys are good and I hope our crows have a lot to learn from you guys and that you find something as well.”

“Thank-you Coach Ukai.” Chuuya said spurring the rest of the team to thank him too. Takeda honestly just stood there awkwardly- honestly the presence of the Yokohama team was scary.

Karasuno stood with coach Hirotsu and Ranpo with Fyodor and Tanizaki close by.

“You guys did well, that quick attack of yours is very useful and interesting.” Hirotsu began.

“But we lost.” Yamaguchi said quietly.

“No shame in that. It’s a training camp you’ll learn and grow over the next month or so. Our team is good because they are strong and know their strengths and work on their weaknesses. They are flexible and keen which you can be too with practice.”

“Thank-you coach Hirotsu.” Daichi said with a smile.

“Realistically you could have made three points that entire match.” Ranpo said whilst munching on a chocolate bar. The team looked quizzical. “You almost landed that point on Fukami before she slid in to hit the ball towards Akutagawa if you had angled the ball slightly more to the left she could have missed. The second one was earlier in the second round with the ball heading towards an empty space but if Dazai wasn’t just that bit fast it would have landed as well.”

“Ranpo is correct. Our team is fast and any of those two would have landed if they weren’t.” Fyodor chimed in.

“But... only three points?” Tanaka grimaced. Ranpo nodded.

“Alright alright go sit down, mingle and watch the next match it’s Inarizaki and Aoba Johsai.” Hirotsu laughed.

The day seemed to fly by, YPHS winning every match they had, the only one coming close being Shiratorizawa. Hinata was definitely amazed no doubt so where others. Kageyama, Kenma (surprisingly), Shirabu, Semi, Atsumu and Akaashi had been rounded up by Dazai who was exclaiming how he just needed to talk to the setters about their plays- somehow he managed to kidnap Sugawara from his place beside Daichi too.

“Sorry about him-“ Oda said scratching the back of his head. “He likes talking to other setters about their plays and stuff something about sharing information.” Chuuya scoffed before muttering.

“Dazai is a manipulative little shit.” The red head huffed. “What’s next we all break off into our respective positions and talk ball?”

“Not a bad idea Nakahara.” Hirotsu said before sending a questioning look to other coaches who seemingly agreed.

“What the fuck coach?” Chuuya exclaimed.

“It’s alright shortie go make friends with the other Liberos.” Ryoko smiled. Fyodor locked eyes with her and blinked slowly as a warning. She quirked a brow. “Oppposite hitters aka right wing spikers come my way.”

Fourteen other people followed quickly behind the pink haired wing spiker towards the benches to sit. Slowly everyone split off a couple managers joining groups- Fyodor joining Oda and Ryoko, Junichiro joining Atsushi and Gin.

“How do we feel boys?” The pinkette said lazily as she lent into her seat.

“Satisfactory however I would have preferred to win.” Ushijima answered whilst staring at Ryoko.

“Cant win every game eagle eyes.” She sassed.

“Can I ask something?” Daichi began. The opposite hitters nodded. “How did you do that knee slide it was very, libero-esque? But it also looked like it hurt.”

“Good eye. Ryoko tends to copy people’s movements. Chuuya as our Libero does that move a lot. I doubt it hurt her she’s got skin of obsidian.” Oda joked.

“Harhar mr I broke my collarbone throwing my arm up to catch a ball.”

“Quiet fire breath.” Fyodor snapped.

“Alright one touch.” She huffed, “He’s so mean to me. Boys take pity on this poor girl would you.”

“That’s what managers are for.” Osamu and Ushijima said in sync. The two players giving an awkward look.

“Oh yeah Rika was happy we kicked your asses.” Ryoko grinned.

“You know Matsuo?” Ushijima’s brows furrowed.

“We met before the games started. Anyway anything else? Questions queries things to share?”

“May I?” The Russian said. Nekoma’s spiker nodded. “You all have weaknesses that need to be worked on. Ryoko is too headstrong but she’s fast she knows how to make it look like she’s going to fail. Her flaw is that she finds too much enjoyment in teasing her opponents. Oda is smart and strong and knows how to guide the ball his flaw is that he’ll focus on his teammates over the opposition. Shiratorizawa is strong and fast but you only focus on that. Karasuno is an erratic team but have their skills honed work on the other ones. Fukurodani I honestly have nothing to add par your Captain being too over the top a points. Aoba Johsai trust their captain fully but need to also trust themselves. Nekoma are like well oiled machines and need to remove the need to be perfect all the time. Inarizaki showcased strength but also showcased cockiness, something YPHS shut down immediately as that is our biggest strength shutting down our opponents. Finally Itachiyama needs to get out of the slump that keeps them from reaching all potentials no matter how strong or fast their hits are. That is all.”

All but the two Yokohama players stared at the Russian in awe. He was sharp and to the point. Ushijima hummed lowly.

“I accept this criticism. I shall bring it up with coaches Washijo and Saito.”

“Yeah I’ll speak with Oikawa and Iwazumi.” Kunimi added.

“You aren’t wrong-“ Daichi started before realising he didn’t know the managers name.

“Fyodor Dostoevsky. Third year manager for Yokohama’s team.”

“Fyodor.” Daichi continued. “I’ll tell Ukai.”

“Yeah coach will probably agree with you.” Konoha laughed before pointing towards his coach who was about ready to either murder Bokuto or rip out his hair.

“Your coach looks ready to kill Bokuto.” The Itachiyama hitter laughed. “But I agree our team might be strong and fast but we are a little blinded by wanting to make sure we aren’t uncomfortable on the court.”

“We do have some pretty cocky members sorry.” Kosaku said scratching his neck. “Your twin is too confident Osamu.”

“I know.” He sighed.

All the teams went through this. Speaking to other players and having the Yokohama team submit their input on places to improve. Chuuya’s group being the loudest only being rivalled by Bokuto alone.

“Dinner will be ready in an hour and a half if anyone wants showers now go do it otherwise have them after dinner you can all congregate here and practice or hang out whatever teenagers do Ranpo will keep an eye on you-“

“Why do I have to do it Hirotsu?”

“Because you’re the youngest of us adults and I said so.” The man smiled scarily. So that’s where the Yokohama team got their game face. “And in any case you already know your rooms are by year group par the girls. Anyway go do your things and meet in the cafeteria next door in an hour thirty. Go.”

Hinata for the second time that afternoon rushed towards Atsushi but this time the white haired boy was with Gin.

“Atsushi! Would you like to hang out with me and Kenma before dinner?” Hinata gleamed. “Would you like to join as well fellow middle blocker?”

“Sure. Gin do you want to come?” Atsushi asked.

“Sure kitty.” She whispered.

“She’s a bit quiet.” Atsushi chuckled scratching the back of his neck. Gin playfully glared.

“Thank god I can only handle Hinata and Kuroo’s sunshine madness.” Kenma said suddenly startling the poor white haired boy.

“Where are you taking my sister?” Akutagawa asked.

“To play video games.” Kenma answer.

“Satisfactory. I have my phone on me if you need me.” And with that the protective brother left the four teens.

“Sorry about Ryu.” Gin said.

“He doesn’t like me.” Atsushi laughed. “To be fair I don’t like him either.”

“We know Kitty we know.”

“Seventeen hundred yen says they’re dating.” Ryoko says.

“Why bet when you know it’s true.” Fyodor added.

“Because it’s fun... and because Dazai doesn’t believe that Gin’s little kitty is our very own tiger, one touch.”

“Stop calling me that.” Fyodor grumbles.

“Stop calling me fire breath.” She counters.

“Fine Fukami.” The girl pouts.

“What happened to Ryoko are we back on last names Dostoevsky?”

Fyodor just hummed, an evil gleam in his eye.

“Training is at ten tonight. We should finish around one.”

A smirk formed on Ryoko’s face, maybe it was the dragon within, the grumbling warmth of a flame but she felt like being the annoying best friend to the one touch man of death. Guess she can show off just how strong she really is. She caught the eye of the Fukurodani Captain and waved. The boy seemed to glow happily as he chatted to his friend (Akaashi). He made a motion inviting her over to them.

Okay so she’ll be the annoying best friend after talking to who could probably be her male counterpart.

Yokohama is just here for some fun.

[xxxsoukokuxxx]

Despite rivalry...we’ll always be friends...even if neither of us know it

Characters: Dazai Osamu (main character); Chuya Nakahara (main character); Mori Ougai; OC-Asahi Ruki; Port Mafia

Warnings: slight mentions of torture (just mentions of how dazai was a torturer in his PM days); dark themes; tsundereness; cursing (of course it’s Chuya)

Notes: Hi everyone! I apologize for not posting in a while. I just needed to rest my tired brain after the exams for a few days. So here, have some platonic soukoku content i’ve written. This can also be found on AO3 on my account name: xXxNoLongerHumanXxX. Also, sorry about not doing an event for my 100 followers milestone yet. I’ll get that done as soon as I have time for it.

_______________________________________________________

The city lights of Yokohama shine brightly like stars. It looks beautiful against the back-drop of the midnight sky. The snow white moon illuminates the much darker parts of Yokohama. But the darkest place of all, was none other than the Port Mafia. Even though you can see lights on from the outside decorating the jet black buildings, it's sinister and might I say bloody secrets is what made it much more darker than any other place in the city.

But there was something, no someone much more sinister than everyone else who worked in the mafia. He was feared immensely not only by civilians and enemies, but by his very own colleagues as well. Torture was his specialty. Whether it's for interrogation or punishment, he'll do it with a sadistic smile and enjoy the pained expressions that his victims make.

His pitch black suit and coat as well as the white bandage over his right eye made him all the more intimidating, His wavy, somewhat unruly hair was a dark chocolate brown. The eyes belonging to this man were a mocha brown but ever so darkened to match his cold expression when giving commands or in the presence of an enemy. This Port Mafia Executive's name was Dazai Osamu, also known as the 'Demonic Prodigy'. There's a saying in the Port Mafia, "The biggest misfortune for Dazai's enemies, is that they're Dazai's enemies."

But as much as he might seem cold, he acts like a little child as well. This can be seen when he's with two of his 'friends' that he goes drinking with to Bar Lupin. He'll even joke about his suicidal tendencies and experiment with little things such as cooking, much like a kid does. Only to have his friends try his dish and end up with twisting stomachs in the morning.

His childish antics can also be seen with another mafia executive, his name being Chuya Nakahara. A rather bit shorter than average height for his age. He had graceful ginger locks in his hair with a longer section falling over his left shoulder. His formal attire was red and black, his signature colors. And of course his beloved fedora topped his head much like a sundae that's topped off with a red cherry.

Dazai and Chuya, despite being partners often bickered, regardless their age of eighteen, they never seemed to stop fighting like children who can't stand each other. But maybe for just one night, they might actually stop bickering for once. ________________________________________

One of the members of the Port Mafia thought of an idea but started regretting it when he thought of the boss. A party? At the Port Mafia? There's no way Mori would ever agree to such a thing. But the thought had good intentions. The Port Mafia had just finished off a rival gang and it surely was a tedious job. But they succeeded in executing them. This one member wanted to celebrate the fact they're all still alive and their victory.

He decides to take the chance one morning and head to Mori Ougai's office. Once reaching the doors of the office after getting through security, he hesitantly places his hands on the door knobs and pauses. He takes a deep breath and opens the doors, closing them behind him. He turns back around to find Mori playing dress up with Elise, she didn't seem happy to try anything on though. He clears his throat and makes his appearance known, "Boss, it's Asahi Ruki I have come to propose an idea that I hope you approve of." he says trying to sound confident.

Mori shifts himself in the chair towards his left to see who has entered and then gives his signature sickeningly sweet smile, "Ah yes Asahi-kun. What is this idea you have in mind?" Asahi stands with his hands behind his back and holds a professional upright posture, "Yes, my idea is..." "Go on, spill it out, I'm listening." Mori teases when Asahi pauses mid sentence. "My idea is...that we...throw a party, not necessarily extravagant, to celebrate our victory against the vile rival gang that we have just gotten rid off. And the fact that everyone's still alive. I've discussed this with a few fellow colleagues and they seem to be excited for such an event." he continues, cursing himself for stuttering the first few words. "...very well then, it would be a good idea, after all, why not some fun after such a tedious and stressful job?" Mori chuckles as he nods. "A party! Finally something exciting around this crappy place!" exclaims Elise.

A bead of sweat rolls down the side of Asahi's temple as he gulps when he hears Elise's words. "Thank you Boss, should I make the arrangements?" "No, leave that to me and the executives, thank you, you may be excused now if there's nothing else." replies Mori yet again with that sick smile. Asahi bows and turns around to leave, silently cheering that his idea was approved of and most of all, his head didn't get chopped off. Back in the office, Elise starts putting on her normal attire and starts contemplating all the possible party ideas. Mori just looks on with a pout on his lips.

"...do you really think this place is "crappy" my dear Elise-chan?" ___________________________________________

A week later or so, the demonic prodigy walks through the red velvet halls of the Port Mafia to get to his rather "boring" office as he calls it. He notices people a tad bit busier than usual today. It seemed as if he was oblivious to the fact that that day was the day of the party approved by the Boss and proposed by a mafioso named Asahi. But he wasn't. He just didn't like the idea of parties. Too noisy, too rowdy, too many people for his liking.

Mori had called him numerous times on his cellphone to get him to come to his office to plan this event, but before he would even bother about picking up the call, he knew what is was about already. He finally makes it to his "boring" office and shuts the door behind him with the heel of his shoe. He takes his hands out of his pockets and settles down at his desk. Tons of paperwork lay on his desk and there were at least four more piles of paperwork to be done on the floor. He groans at the sight of them, all that is unnecessary and too much of a tedious job to do.

He spins around in his chair in endless circles and finally stops when he hears a knock at his door. 'Great, which fool is here to bother me now.' he grumbles internally. "Come in" he says hiding his annoyance behind an expressionless voice. The door opens and the last person he wants to see steps in. "Hey suicidal maniac. There's a party this evening at about 9 til' late. You weren't in Mori's office to plan the damn thing, where the heck where you!? Goofing off?" says Chuya with annoyance lacing his voice. "I don't care for such things. It's so useless to waste time on such a stupid event." Dazai replies nonchalantly. "And yes, I wasn't exactly goofing off...I was trying out this new method of suicide! You see this is how you do it, first you..." "Shut up Mackerel I don't want to hear your stupid attempts of ending your life, are coming to the party or what?"

"Hmmm, how about no. Parties are so annoying." Dazai whines while slumping his upper body over his desk. "Fine by me, finally I can be free of you and actually have a good time and..." "Blah-blah-blah, I don't wanna hear how much you're going to enjoy your time acting like the fool you are, Slug." Dazai smirks. "Bastard!" Chuya grimaces and leaves shutting the door with a bang behind him. Dazai doesn't even wince at the annoyingly loud noise and goes back to spinning in his chair. He stops again but not because there's someone at the door, but at his own thoughts intruding his mind.

He sighs heavily and displays an empty and solemn look on his face, which he'll never show anyone. ___________________________________________

It was currently 9:00 pm and most of the Port Mafia members like Higuchi, Tachihara, Gin and others helped with the decorations earlier that day. And they got it done fast too, without hassles, except for Tachihara who slipped off a ladder while hanging decorations and fell. Akutagawa of course wasn't going to be at such a 'hideous' event as he called such unnecessary gatherings.

Dazai was at Bar Lupin, tonight however he was alone, no Odasaku, no Ango. He takes a sip of the amber whiskey in front of him and sighs out of relief as well as boredom. He ran out of suicide methods to try. A man wearing a fedora and crimson red button up shirt with coal black formal pants makes his way to the bar and enters. Dazai doesn't seem to notice at all. At this point he's too lost in his fog of thoughts to bother about anyone else. "Hey suicidal maniac!" calls Chuya as he comes down the steps in the bar with a fine bottle of one of the most expensive wines he's ever bought in his gloved hand.

Dazai turns his attention towards the ginger and for once in his life he's genuinely surprised not expecting Chuya to be here. "What are you doing here Chuya? I thought you'd be drunk out of your mind by now." Dazai snickers. "So early? The party only started half an hour ago!" "Knowing you, you'd go there half drunk." Dazai laughs. "Hey shut that mouth of yours you stupid Mackerel, I was bored and decided to come here instead!" "Since when do you come to Bar Lupin? And did you decide to come here because you were bored, or did you come here knowing I'd be here?" Dazai smirks.

"Shut up already will you!" Chuya yells angrily at Dazai's teasing and takes a seat next to him and places down his wine. "So answer which is it!" Dazai exclaims. "Bastard, I came here because I was bored of course! And besides you weren't at the party either. Perhaps it got boring because I wasn't constantly running around after you trying to stop you from causing havoc!"

Dazai chuckles, "Are my antics that entertaining?" "Hey, don't act all smug! All I'm saying is that I've gotten so used to your annoying and bizarre antics that other things seem somewhat boring." "Ah, I see." Dazai says and leans forward to take a sip of his drink. Chuya was lying though, the party wasn't boring at all, he felt bad that Dazai wasn't there, and decided not to go because of the suicidal maniac. As much as Chuya hates him, he still enjoys his company nonetheless, even if he doesn't know it.

"Ugh, it's getting boring here too!" exclaims Chuya out of frustration. "Yeah, it got boring since you arrived." Dazai remarks. "Why you!..." Chuya aims to kick at Dazai's calf but fails miserably as Dazai casually got up before Chuya could even graze him. "Since it's boring here, let's get outta here then hmm?" Dazai suggests. "...idiot, fine." he gets up makes his way out of the bar with Dazai, of course taking his precious wine with him. "How come you don't like parties? You're already an animal, I'm sure you wouldn't have trouble fitting in with a bunch of party animals." Chuya smirks.

"I already told you earlier you stupid Slug, it's useless and a waste of time!" Dazai replies. "But why is what I'm asking you!!!" "I just don't." "...don't be vague Mackerel." "...fine, they're too noisy and rowdy for my liking, besides there's too many annoying people like you there."

"Do you seriously have to insult me in everything you say!?" exclaims a frustrated Chuya. "Yes, yes I do." Dazai says nonchalantly not evening glancing at the short ginger walking beside him. "...stupid Mackerel." grumbles the ginger. "Hey why don't we go on the rooftop of that building and just chill there for a while hmm?" suggests the demonic prodigy. "...fine." The two mafia executives make their way to the very top of a building, Chuya silently curses Dazai because he doesn't have an ability that will take him to the rooftop in a just a few seconds. Chuya thought he could have just used his ability but Dazai's would only nullify it.

"Finally!" Chuya exclaims in excitement after climbing stairs after stairs to reach the rooftop. "We survived! Great job petite mafioso." Dazai snickers and walks passed him to go to the very edge of the rooftop. "Don't you dare even think about jumping you bastard!" Chuya yells from where he is. "Already thought about it!" Dazai replies and sits down letting his legs dangle off the building. He pats the place next to him motioning for Chuya to sit. The ginger makes his way over and reluctantly sits next to the person he supposedly despises the most. "That's some expensive wine you've got there." Dazai remarks. "Yeah, it is to you." the ginger says as he takes it in his hands and pops open the bottle with his ability. "I thought you only open such expensive wines on special occasions?" "If I'm hanging out with you, it must be a special occasion." "Chuya! You're such a wonderful human being!" "Go to hell, I'll probably regret it in the morning." "You're such a tsundere." "I SAID GO TO HELL!" shouts Chuya before taking a big gulp of the wine straight from the bottle.

"How am I supposed to go to hell, if I'm already there?" Dazai smiles sickeningly sweet. "Tsk, what kind of philosophy is that!?" "Ugh, nevermind I'm surprised you use such a big word as 'philosophy'." "For the last time today, SHUT UP!" "Aww, is the petite mafioso getting all upset?" Dazai teases. Chuya swings a fist at him but of course Dazai dodges it with ease. "Bastard." The ginger then offers the wine bottle to the brunette begrudgingly. "Uh, I don't drink wine but since there's nothing else..." Dazai takes the bottle and drinks almost half the bottle one time. "Hey easy! I want some too!" Chuya say trying to stop his partner in crime.

"Mmm, this is some sweet wine." says Dazai giving back the half empty wine bottle to Chuya. "Geez, how greedy." "Hey hatrack." "What do you want!?" "What's the real reason you didn't go to the party?" asks Dazai as he looks at the midnight black sky. "...ugh, the real reason...I didn't want you to feel alone or left out and besides it would have been much more boring there anyway." "Not so much of a tsundere now huh?" Chuya says teasing Dazai. "Oh keep quiet will you!? Be grateful that I chose to hang out with the person I despise the most in the world!" "Yeah yeah sure." Dazai leans back and lays down on the rooftop with his hands behind his neck. Chuya glances at him and then does the same. "Why do you constantly annoy me all the time?" asks Chuya and this time, he doesn't sound annoyed or angry but rather calm.

"I dunno, it's entertaining I guess?" "You seriously use me for your entertainment? Tsk, you always use people for your personal needs anyway." and he takes another swig of the wine again. "...I don't use you...not all the time" "Idiot" and he yet again takes another swig of the wine. "No wonder why you don't have friends Mackerel." "Who says I need friends?" "I say you need friends." "...why?" "So that you're not lonely all the time and trying to constantly kill yourself."

"...why would you care about such a thing?" Dazai figures Chuya's almost drunk by now. "Oh see. now who's being a tsundere!?" "...whatever..." he still gazes up at the sky as if searching for something. Chuya realizes what Dazai's doing and does the same, "Here have some more before I finish the bottle." Dazai glances at the bottle in Chuya's hand and takes it drinking all of it. "Hey! I was supposed to finish it! Stupid Mackerel!" but he doesn't sound all too disappointed this time when he shouts at Dazai.

"Hey Chuya?" “Finally you call me by my name...what do you want Dazai?" "Thanks for hanging out with me tonight, didn't know you cared that much about me." he tries to tease towards the end of his sentence. "It's nothing, just thought you might need a friend to keep you company." Chuya says, eyes droopy hinting he was tired and drunk. Dazai's eyes widen when he heard Chuya say that, he glanced over at the ginger and sees him trying to fight his sleep. Dazai gets up and shoves his hands into his pockets. "Let's go home now Chuya, I knew you'd get drunk out of your mind." "Tsk" Chuya gets up slowly and leaves with Dazai, leaving behind the empty wine bottle they shared. Despite their rivalry, they're friends...even if neither of them know it.

[ranposlittle]

hey sweetie I noticed I haven’t requested chuuya🥺please maybe some fluff nsfw imagine with daddy chuuya calming down his s/o bc she is scared of storm 🥺

!! NSFW !!

A/N: One serving of Mr. Fancy Hat coming right up! Here you go! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧ I had fun writing this as gender neutral as I can and honestly, I think this is really cute uwu~ Also kinda inspired from the scene in the Onsen Drama CD where Chuuya counted to ten with Akutagawa while he dipped in the water. I hope this is to your liking! 💕

***

Chuuya had tried everything.

He already made you hot coco, a blanket fort, read you a story, counted unicorns with you, promised you a hundred times that the lightning won’t struck you because his “magic” will stop it, and he even sang you that song with silly dance steps, but nothing seems to work. The storm just keep on getting stronger by the minute and your fear growing along with it. Everything that helped you calm down before isn’t working anymore.

Another loud cracking of the thunder made you yelped and jumped from where you are laying inside the blanket fortress he made for you.

“Come here, baby,” Chuuya said, extending his arm and wrapping them around you. “There. You’re safe,” He pulled up a thick blanket to your shoulder and stroked your hair while he thinks.

He’s got to come up with something else to help you. It’s got to be something that will calm you from the sound of the harsh rain and the thunders, something that can put you to sleep in an instant so you can rest your weary little head.

Thinking about it, he only have one option left that he knows could work.

“Hey, baby,” his voice low and soothing. You looked up at him. “Why don’t we count down again, hmm? Once you reach ten, you won’t hear the scary sounds anymore.”

“But we already tried-”

“I know, baby, but this one is going to be different. I promise.”

You wrinkle your forehead and casted him a doubtful look. Chuuya gave you a confident smile and wiggled his eyebrows, making you giggle. You closed your eyes and started counting, trying to focus despite of the rain starting to roar again.

“One~” Your singsong voice blending in with Chuuya. “Two~ Three~”

“Four~” Chuuya’s voice disappeared and you frowned.

“Five…” when you didn’t hear his voice again, you slowly peeped your eyes open only to see his face closing in on yours.

Six.

Chuuya’s hands ran down your sides and rested on your waist as his lips weaved into yours. He pulled you closer, his body heat warming you up even more. He slowly grind against you and you reciprocated his action, moaning softly on his lips.

Seven.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, pressing your chest against his to further deepen the kiss. The grumbling of the thunder drowned out of your consciousness as Chuuya swirl his tongue on yours.

Eight.

Chuuya’s hand traveled underneath your clothes and you shiver as his cold fingers trailed on your skin, leaving goosebumps on its wake.

Nine.

Wind gusted outside the bedroom window as you tangled your fingers in his hair. You lightly bit on his lower lip emitting a moan of approval from Chuuya.

Ten.

The kiss lingered on a swelling suction before the both of you pulled yourselves off from each other. You opened your eyes and gazed at the calm blue of Chuuya’s.

“See? No more scary sounds. You didn’t even flinched from the thunder just now,” Chuuya said, smiling at you and stroking your head.

He’s right. You can still feel the air around you still charged from the shockwaves.

“Wow! Daddy’s magic really does work,” you sweetly praised him. The rain continues to pitter-patter on the roof but your bright smile warmed Chuuya’s heart like a sunshine.

“Yeah,” Chuuya said in an unimpressed tone. “But I wasn’t able to make the storm disappear just yet. So why don’t you sleep now and I’ll make sure it’s gone before you wake up.”

“But…” Your lower lip protruded.

“But what, baby?”

“But I’m too excited to sleep now,” you mumbled, your eyes refusing to meet his as you play with his shirt. “Besides, if the thunder comes back, I’ll just get scared again. So, maybe we’ll just have to kiss until I fall asleep.” Your voice trailed off as you get more embarrassed while voicing out your request.

Chuuya laughed and you buried your face on his chest to hide your blushing face. He squeezed you tightly for a moment and expressed how adorable you are. He cupped your face and kissed your forehead. “I have something better in mind, though. Turn around for me, baby.”

You did as what you are told and leaned your back against his chest. He scoot closer to you and adjusted himself so that one of his arms is underneath your armpit and the other slithered around your waist. You laughed as he placed tickling kisses on your neck while pressing you closer to his body. But it wasn’t long until your giggles turned into soft moans as Chuuya slid his hand in between your legs and started rubbing you. You threw your head back as he touch you over your shorts, giving him more access to your neck and his kisses turning into a more lustful ones. Your hand reflexively held on his forearm as his hands moved faster.

“Daddy… That’s good…” Your low whisper almost inaudible over the sound of raindrops rapping outside.

“This will relax you really good, baby. I know how fast you fall asleep after you come,” Chuuya answered, his hot breath fanning on the nape of your neck and he licked the shell of your ear before resuming his business on your neck. “Let daddy make you come, okay?”

You bit your lower lip and nodded. Chuuya grabbed your shorts, pulling it down just enough to slide his hand inside your underwear. His dainty fingers already working on your downfall. A thunder cracked somewhere but you pay it no mind as a storm of some sort also started to brew within you.

As Chuuya continues to play with your genital like an instrument, his other hand made its way to your chest. Brushing your nipples with his thumb and rolling it with his index finger ever so often. The sound of the storm outside is now being replaced with your sweet mewls and Chuuya’s inviting moans. The movements of his fingers underneath you, the small but incredible waves of pleasure from your buds and his relentless attacks on your neck clouded your mind, just like how the gray clouds occupied the sky earlier before it began pouring. In your case too, the bliss being carried by the clouds in your head began to feel heavy as it threaten to pour down.

Your closed eyes squeezed as Chuuya lightly pinched on your most sensitive nipple and a cry of satisfaction escaped your mouth. You feel your fluids flow out of you as his fingers continue to work diligently for your pleasure. It’s starting to get too much as Chuuya’s hand beneath you picked up its pace and deepen the pressure on your aroused muscles.

“Da–ddy! Ah~!” Your nails digged on his skin as your grip on his forearm tightened.

“Are you close, baby? That’s it, just feel good,” he said softly, his words vibrating on your neck.

You felt Chuuya’s toned arms tensed and relax respectively as he switched his speed on your sex from fast, slow and torturously slow. Your pleasure spiking higher every time he’ll go fast after the snail-like pace. You squirm beside him as you feel your body getting charged with electricity like a lightning ready to strike any time. Your lips quiver as you struggle to speak, wanting to let Chuuya know that your head is spinning around in absolute pleasure and the storm inside you is about to unleash.

“It’s okay, baby. You can come,” Chuuya said, perfectly knowing what your unintelligible whimpers mean. “You’d like that, don’t you? Go ahead and come.”

Chuuya craned his head as he watched your face contort in lustful expressions he had always loved. He smirked as he admire your disheveled form, squirming and whining helplessly against him. He held you tightly in place as his hand below you went even faster and slower alternately.

“Da– ah!” You cried out as another shock of pleasure jolted on your body, pushing you further to the end.

Your ecstatic whimpers and moans resounding all throughout the makeshift walls of your blanket fort. The pleasure building up with every stroke of Chuuya’s fingers until your body can’t deny itself anymore.

“Chuuya,” you absentmindedly mumbled. Your fingers gripping on his arm pressed further in a bruising pressure as you say his name like a prayer. “Chuuya. Chuu– ya– ah! Ah! Chuuya!”

And as if a lightning flashed behind your eyelids, your whole vision turned white as your orgasm struck you down. Your back arched and your senses numbed, completely taken over by the breathtaking explosion of your satisfaction. Your body spasmed from the shock of the strike, your shivering cries resembling the cracks of thunder as you steadily come down from your climax. Your vision cleared and so is your senses, Chuuya’s hand still slowly caressing you as he listens to your quiet pants like a distant roll of thunder moving away to another site.

“That’s it,” he chuckled lightly. “Good girl. That’s a good girl.” Chuuya peppered your face with kisses as he waits for your body to settle down. Your fingers loosened on his arm, leaving red marks on its place on his skin. Chuuya nuzzled his face on your neck as he whisper words of appraisal for your excellent job in orgasming. He pulled out his hand out of your underwear, his fingers still wet from your discharge. You closed your heavy eyes as Chuuya fix your shorts back to its position on your hips and adjusted himself once again to wrap you in a cuddle.

“Daddy, I’m…” you mumbled, almost half-asleep. “So. Tired.”

Chuuya stroked your hair and kissed your head. “Alright, baby. Go to sleep. I’m here to take care of you.”

“Thanks,” you exhaled as your whole body relaxed on his embrace, the rain almost muted as it falls as gently as it can, as if respecting your need for rest.

Your consciousness continued to dip into slumber and as you drift off, you can hear the faint humming of Chuuya along with the gentle stroke of his hand on your hair. You smiled on your sleep as the skies began to calm and the moon shined again.

[astxlphe]

Thank you, With Love

(@bsd-rarepair-valentines-week​)

Day 1 / Bouquet // AkuHigu 

Higuchi finds flowers on her desk several mornings in a row.

General warning: a bit of violence and talking about killing people. That’s it.

(Uhh, first time writing that ship, i hope it’s fine...)

When Ichiyo arrived at the office on the first morning, she found Gin and Tachihara gathered around her desk, whispering between themselves.  

“What’s going on?” she asked, making her way towards them.  

Silence.  

It was Gin who spoke up first, looking back at her.  

“Is it your birthday?” Months ago, Ichiyo wouldn’t even have picked up on it, but Gin sounded put off, in a “it’s your birthday and you didn’t tell me” way.  

Oh dear, they were starting to become friends.  

“Well, no.” She frowned, and supplied helpfully: “It’s in May. Why?”  

All three of them were still looking at her as they moved away from her desk, and Ichiyo gaped.  

On her desk sat a large bouquet of flowers, carefully wrapped in soft green paper.  

“We checked it,” Tachihara said. “It’s not a bomb or anything like that. It’s just...” he shrugged. “...a bunch of flowers.”  

“Is there a note?” Ichiyo asked, picking the bouquet. She checked the inside, between the flowers, but there didn’t seem to be one. “That’s strange. Who could have put that here?”  

“Thank you gift?” Gin suggested.  

“I wouldn’t know what for... Besides, how would they get that in Headquarters?”  

She tried to remember if she had helped someone recently – someone who knew to find her here — but nothing came to mind.

Either way, she didn’t have time to think too deeply on it. As touched as she was with the gesture, she had work to do.  

Hirotsu gave a voice to her thoughts. “All of you should stop behaving like gossiping teenagers,” he told them. “Akutagawa will soon be back with the boss’ orders, we must be ready to head out as soon as he arrives. As for this—” He looked pointedly at the bouquet. “While this may be a harmless gift, I strongly suggest we keep a better eye out of what enters this office.”  

They dispersed, sheepishly obeying the older man. Ichiyo found a vase in the kitchen, and put the bouquet on the corner of her desk.  

When Akutagawa came back, he filed them in on the mission, not even taking note of the flowers — if he even had noticed them in the first place — and everyone put it out of their mind.  

That was the end of it.  

+

It should have been the end of it.  

Well, it wasn’t, because the next day, when Ichiyo came in again, there was another bouquet on her desk.  

She looked around. She had decided to come in early to finish so the previous day’s mission’s property damage report— they had to keep the legal businesses on their territory safe and repair them when needed, that was the deal — so the office was empty.  

Checking the flowers, she found, once again, no deadly trap and no note.  

Nevertheless, this was highly suspicious. Those flowers couldn’t come out of nowhere. Someone had to drop them here, and this someone could do it during the night or early enough in the morning that no one had arrived yet.  

She reviewed, in her mind, who could do such a thing. The boss and, of course, all the executives, had access to their offices, but she couldn’t imagine any of them leaving flowers on her desk.  

And two days in a row?  

Apart from Kouyou, who always seemed like the most likely of the bunch to get someone a gift, but Ichiyo didn’t know Kouyou very well, and only had very few conversations with her — all work related. She was still horribly intimating and always left her shaking in her metaphorical boots.  

There was also Chuuya, the executive who visited their office the most, usually to try and coax Akutagawa into having a meal other than a salad.  

Maybe she could ask them... but she didn’t want to make a fuss about something like flowers. What kind of Mafia operative would she be if she got worried about flowers?  

Was it even the same person both times?  

So, she sighed and went looking for something to put them on. She miraculously found another vase in the kitchen, and put the flowers on her desk, on the other side of the first bouquet.  

They didn’t have a lot of decorations in their office, so the flowers embellished the room quite nicely. Both bouquets also fit well next to one another, and it was starting to give the room a nice scent.  

When the others arrived, she was deep into her paperwork.  

“Another?” Gin asked.  

“Yes!” She smiled awkwardly. “I still don’t know who sent them, though.” She ran a finger on a flower's petals. “They’re beautiful.”  

“You did not see who delivered them?”  

“No, they were already here when I arrived. I’ll ask at the reception if they saw something when I go home tonight.” She smiled at Hirotsu, noting his grave expression. “I wouldn’t worry so much, it’s only flowers.”  

“Did you make sure they weren't trapped?” Akutagawa asked.  

“O-Of course!” Her face flushed red. “No bomb, no gas, no wiretap. They’re real flowers too.”  

He nodded, and went back to work.  

The flowers stayed on her desk through the whole day.  

+

“I believe,” Hirotsu said on the third day, starring at yet another bouquet of flower in Higuchi’s hands, “that Higuchi has gained a secret admirer.”  

“Eh?” She put the bouquets back on the desk quickly and turned to Hirotsu, face turning a bright red. “A- a secret admirer?”  

Tachihara laughed. “And you call us gossiping teenagers?”  

Hirotsu send him a look, and Tachihara’s laugh died down immediately.  

“Probably Mafia too,” Gin guessed, “or they wouldn’t have been able to get in.”  

She could never have an admirer — she was, after all, hopeless, as her sister liked to say, and well aware that any reputation and authority she might have stemmed from Akutagawa’s own. She couldn’t see why anyone in the Mafia would see her as worthy of admiration.  

“Did you talk to the reception?”  

“They say they haven’t seen anything, or anyone, carrying flowers inside the building. At least not during their working hours.” Which didn’t mean much, because the reception was closed during the night and you could only get in with a key card.  

So, as always, she found a place to put the bouquet — on one of their shelves, used to file a copy of their reports.  

A cough sounded from behind as she set it down. “Are you going to leave it there?” Akutagawa asked, and for a short moment Ichiyo thought he might disapprove.  

“Well, we don’t have any more vases,” she explained quickly, feeling a bit embarrassed — she didn’t want all that "secret admirer” business to bother anyone, especially not her actual crush. “I don’t really know where else to put it — we’ll have to wait until one of the other bouquets wilts...”  

“We could get a new one. Some cheap ones are nice.”  

She glanced at her desk, where the first bouquet she had gotten, full of soft looking white flowers, would soon start dying.  

It would be a shame; they were absolutely gorgeous.  

“Do you like them?”  

“Uh?” That was the last question she expected, and it left her speechless for a few seconds. “I mean, y-yes of course! I love flowers, but those...” She blushed, and rubbed the back of her head. “Someone thought I deserved them and I’m—” She sniffed, and hoped she wouldn’t start crying over something like this in front of him. “You know. It makes me happy?”  

“I see.”  

He looked deep in thought, frowning. Maybe he thought he deserved flowers too?  

“Do you want me to buy you flowers, senpai?”  

It snapped him back into reality. “Absolutely not.”  

+

Ichiyo gulped, staring at the potted flowers sitting on her desk.  

“We don’t have any more vases.”  

There had been nobody else besides the five of them in the room, so no one else could have heard her say this, or even known she didn’t know where to put the flowers anymore.  

Whoever gifted her those flowers was someone within their office. It could only be one of four people — Gin, Tachihara, Hirotsu, or Akutagawa.  

She fantasized, for a minute, of Akutagawa buying her flowers. She giggled at herself — what a cute, romantic move it would be.  

But he wasn’t one for affectionate gestures — though she had seen him fix Gin's hair once, after a rough fight, when he thought nobody was looking.    

So that left Gin, Hirotsu and Tachihara.  

Uh.  

She couldn’t really see any of them buying her flowers either.  

Now by habit, she slipped her fingers in between the flowers and on the paper packaging the pot. Once again, no trap, but this time there was a small cardboard note, folded, written inside.  

“Water twice a week"  

It was printed, in a neat, flowery font. The note had no logo or no indication of who could have sent it. A small section had a message, but the signature had been left unfilled.  

“With love, from......”  

“With love,” she repeated quietly.  

She pulled the small card off the flowers and slipped it in her breast pocket with a smile.  

+

The smell of gunpowder hung heavily in the air, and Ichiyo stood still, her back on Akutagawa, her finger pressed on the trigger.  

“That’s the last of them,” she told him, and pushed her sunglasses back on her nose. “The place is ours.” She tilted her head, listening in her earbud as Tachihara laughed, gunshots echoing from far away. “The others are almost done as well.”  

This organization had believed they could settle on Mafia territory and start their own business there, hoping to slowly eat away the Port Mafia’s influence on the neighbourhood — their mistake.  

The boss had not liked their arrogance.  

“Good.” Rashomon comes to a rest, settling back into its coat form. He stares at the bodies they left in their wake, and his lips twitch into the only kind of smile Ichiyo has ever seen him make — more a grimace than a smile.  

“Let’s leave before the police starts getting curious.” He coughed. “The officers in the area are ours, but they will not be able to pretend nothing happened.”  

As he talked, Ichiyo couldn’t help but notice — soft cries of pain and twitchy movements. She blinked, surprised. Akutagawa did not usually leave any survivors.  

“Those are still alive.”  

“Leave them,” Akutagawa ordered. “The police will take care of them.”  

As he spoke, sirens starting sounding in the distance. Ichiyo’s earbud spluttered. “They’re already here,” she heard Gin say. “We will meet back at headquarters.”  

She relayed the message to Akutagawa, who nodded. “Come on,” he gestured for her to follow him. “Let’s get out of here.”  

They left, getting back to the car quickly. Akutagawa took the wheel and Ichiyo sat in the passenger seat. The adrenaline from the fight was dying down, allowing her to relax, and she felt a strange mix of nervous and giddy.  

She was alone , with Akutagawa . Maybe they could make small talk?  

“Senpai?” she tried.  

All the answer she got was an absentminded “uh?”  

“Can I...hum...ask you something?”  

She took his silence as an approval.  

“Why didn’t we kill them? Even with our people in the police—”  

“I can’t.”  

“Why not?”  

Her question resulted in a deep, angry scowl she’s learned to associate with the people he hated the most.  

“I promised. I made a deal with the weretiger.”  

The somewhat sweet if not oblivious young man who had helped her tail Gin once. He had seen her at her cry once, to her greatest embarrassment.  

And this person had somehow managed to convince Akutagawa to stop killing.  

“What did he do? Offered his own life in exchange?” she tried to joke.  

“He did, actually.”  

Why wasn’t she more surprised? Based on what little she knew about him; it was exactly something he would do. 

“And the boss agreed to this?” She doubted he had, but well. Mori had his eccentricities too.  

“No,” he said. “He isn’t aware of this.”  

“And you’re not going to tell him.”  

“What the boss doesn’t know won't kill him.” He paused. “Or me.”  

“I see.” Ichiyo bit her lip. “Does anyone else know?”  

“Only Gin, and she called me an idiot.” He looked put off at this, his expression almost identical to Gin’s when she’d thought she had missed her birthday.  

Still, she felt her heart swell — she was in on the secret, he had chosen to tell when he could have just told her to mind her own business. He trusted her.  

“I can do it for you, if you’d like? The killing, I mean. You just point me to the target and—”  

“Don’t bother.” He huffed. “That’s cheating. Just don’t let the boss know.”  

“I wouldn’t! You can count of me.”  

Akutagawa didn’t answer, and turned at the next corner instead. The car slowed down in front of the Mafia headquarters.  

+

She was attempting to write the report when Gin came in, holding a pot of flowers.  

“This,” Gin explained. “came in just before we left.”  She set it down on the desk. “It was left at the reception for you.”  

“Uh, thanks.”  

“It doesn’t seem to be slowing down,” she went on crossing her arms, eyebrows set into a frown.  

“I’m sorry.” Ichiyo sent her an apologetic smile. “I wish I knew who sent those...”  

“We can’t do anything about it.” Then muttered something under her breath she didn’t quite got — something that sounded like “idiot” and, she could guess, wasn’t directed at her — before leaving her to her work.  

Tachihara was, as usual, no help whatsoever, while Hirotsu diligently did his own paperwork. If things went as it generally did, he would threaten the younger commander into working within the hour.  

Curious, she took the time to look inside the flowers, thinking that maybe, after last time, there would be a note.  

She found it easily. It was the same kind of cardboard note, indicated to water the flowers once every two days. Inside was the flowery inscription: Thanks for everything, from.....  

As before, it had been left unfilled.  

It didn’t necessarily mean anything. It was only a default flower shop card, but there were always different choices and mystery person had picked those ones in particular.  

Thank you and With love.  

“Higuchi?”  

She almost jumped out of her skin as Akutagawa called out to her.  “Yes?” she squeaked out.  

“Have you seen Gin?”  

“Oh, she just left — I think the flowers are getting on her nerves.”  Her shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry.”  

“Don’t make useless apologies. You have done nothing wrong.”  

God, this man’s way with words.  

“Thank you,” she said anyway, and yawned. It had been a long day.  

His gaze caught on the flowers on her desk. Ichiyo wondered if it annoyed him too — but his face seemed to almost soften. “I’ll talk to her.”  

Before he left, he took a look at the she files on her desk. “Paperwork can wait,” he told her and disappeared in the corridor. “Get some sleep.”  

Once he was gone, Ichiyo leaned back on her chair. She should probably take a nap. They’d been running around all day, and it was a little over two in the morning. Akutagawa was right, the paperwork would have to wait for tomorrow.  

She pushed the papers back, gathered her things, and went home. She made sure not to make too much noise — her sister was asleep; she didn’t want to wake her up.  

+

Next morning, she woke up early to be able to finish the reporting before lunchtime. She left home before breakfast, deciding to take it at Headquarters.  

After parking her car, she started walking towards the building, when she stopped dead in her tracks.  

Right there, if she turned left directly instead of going forward, a little further down the street, was a flower shop.  

She’d never taken that street. She’d been around the neighborhood, obviously, but always the streets that sold lunch, or groceries. Or office supplies, when they had budget cuts and ran out of pens.  

On a whim, she took her left and reached the florist pretty quickly. The store name’s font matched the one on the card she’d found in the potted flowers.  

She hadn’t imagined the florist could be so close to her place of work. She looked through the large glass door, and realized it was open. Her watch showed 6:30am, extremely early for a florist to be opened.  

On the other hand, around the Mafia HQ, people kept strange hours.  

Then she spotted Akutagawa. Inside the flower shop.  

Eyes wide, she stood, watching in silence as he seemed to hesitate between a bouquet of roses and a pot it colorful pansies.  

She really liked roses.  

He picked the roses.  

Maybe they were for Gin?  

After paying, he moved towards the door and froze when he saw her. His lips moved, mouthing a swear word as he realized he had nowhere to run.  

His face went red and, as soon as was outside, he shoved her the roses in her arms and tried to escape.  

Definitely not for Gin.  

“Wait!” She managed to get a hold of his sleeve. “Senpai, have you been the one— the flowers?”  

He nodded briskly. “I just wanted you to know that I...” He seemed to have trouble finding the right words. “Appreciate,” he ended up saying. “I appreciate you, and your work. You always have my back, even though I’m not—” He grimaced. “I believed this would get the message across better than I could. Don’t make a fuss about it.”  

With love, the note had said.  

“But I—” For all her fantasies for Akutagawa offering her flowers, she had never considered what she would do or say if it actually happened.  Her eyes watered and she gulped, trying to fight back a sob. “It’s just my job and I—”  

“Are you crying.”  

“No!”  

“Stop crying!”  

“I can’t, I’m sorry!” She rubbed her eyes to get rid of the tears. “I’m just so happy!”  

“What about?”  

“You! And the flowers! And the—”  

Thank you, with love.  

Akutagawa didn’t answer, but he fumbled with his pocket and pulled out a packet of tissues, which he pushed in her hands. “I didn’t want to — I didn’t mean to—”  

She blew her nose ungracefully. “Thank you.��� She sniffed. “I didn’t mean to get so emotional over this.”  

“No trouble. I’m…glad you like them.” He stood there, quiet, for a few seconds, staring resolutely at the flowers. “Would you like to—” he hesitated. "You are free tomorrow night.”  

It took her a second to know whether it was a question or an order.  

“Yes?”  

“Good. Let's have dinner?”  

“I—” She couldn’t speak. She had to be dreaming, or something would go horribly wrong in the minute. This was everything she had wished for since meeting him and it couldn’t simply happen. She hadn’t done anything to deserve that and yet... “Just the two of us?”  

He acquiesced, and she smiled, feeling herself tear up again.  

“I would love to!”  

“Please don’t cry again.”  

“It’s too late! I’m so sorry!”

[glitchnovax]

okokok sooo a lot of people think Atsushi is annoying and too insecure. At first I didn't like him either,but then I realized overcoming his insecurities(which he kinda still has) is part of his character development and I've come to the conclusion that I love him very much. So I was just curious, what do you think about him?

I am so sorry this is so long, I always get caught up on topics like this-

I hope this answers your question tho :3

Atsushi is one of the only protagonists I have genuinely had respect for and overall actually like the character of, compared to other animes/shows. At first I was the same, just sort of assuming he’d be another do-gooder protagonist the whole “I’m gonna be strong, defeat the true enemy” yada yada, but there actually is truly depths to his character that there isn’t with most other protagonists.

The difference with Atsushi is that he genuinely does not this he deserves to be where he is, he doesn’t even believe that he deserves to life, he thinks he has to earn the right. With other protags they tend to be doubtful at first but then very very quickly switch to the most positive characters ever to the point of their optimism being annoying af.

The reason Atsushi is so interesting to me is that mindset of needing to earn the right to live. Obviously it’s a very unhealthy way of viewing life but it’s what gives him depth as a character. The way he fights not necessarily because “iT’s ThE RiGhT tHiNg tO dO” (although it does factor in) but because he sees it as an opportunity at redemption, a way to validate his life. If you think about it, it’s quite similar to Dazai, they both feel as though they need to redeem themselves and joining the ada was a clean start for them, they both try to not so much bury the past, but put it behind them.

This is where the trauma comes in. In response the idea that he is just a whiny, overly insecure kid who needs to quit complaining and face the world, yes ofc I can see why people think that, he is definitely the most hesitant character in terms of facing his problems, he spends a lot of time trying to escape them or hide from them. Here’s the thing though, he was literally taught to hide from his problems all his life. At the orphanage we never see him stand up the headmaster, only him crying. Why? Because he’s a literal child. All he knows is fear, and escaping the abuse and torment of his previous “family”. He was never taught how to face his problems and while other protags tend to face them head on, he generally spends a lot of time hiding from them and cowering, the tiger is incredible symbolic of this.

Not only this but he’s literally followed around by his past. I said earlier that what he’s trying to do is put it behind him and move on, but he literally can’t do this because he’s haunted by ptsd (which is very visible in dead apple). This is also why he constantly reiterates the fact that he needs to prove his right to live. This boy literally hates himself so much all because that’s all he’s ever known. The headmaster says in a flashback “when you leave this place, hate me. Never hate yourself.” But this backfired on him because now all he can do is hate himself because it’s all he’s ever known.

One of my favourite quotes from Atsushi is in that fight with Akutagawa in season 1 when he says “people need to be told they matter or else they can’t go on” which is so damn iconic. It reflects on Atsushi, it reflects Akutagawa, it reflects on Kyouka (and I’d love to go through all of them but I’ll just stick to Atsushi for this post). That quote explains it all, it immediately states why Atsushi is as insecure as he is - because he’s always been told that he’s worthless and would be better off dead - it explains why he feels the need to earn his right to life - because again, he’s been told no one would miss him if he died (and I can’t stress hi enough:) all his life!! He needs to prove to the headmaster and most of all to himself that he isn’t worthless - and overall it just shows how self aware he is.

Anyone who has struggled with intrusive thoughs, insecurity and just overall self hatred knows that it’s like to have a voice in the back of their head telling them how shitty they are, and it’s awful. The voice in his head is a constant, it’s loud and it’s clearly hurting him. Whenever he’s “annoying and insecure” it’s because that voice is beating him to a pulp and he’s struggling to fight back. His character developement is visible (I mean you can can see the clear difference when he’s with his friends from the ada because he can tell they care about him a lot which is obviously a massive difference to the orphanage) however the developement will take time, if he’s written right, it’ll take more than just friend that care about him to improve his self esteem so to speak, he needs to help himself out of his own darkness. This is very very obviously contrasted to Akutagawa’s character in that Aku has essentially given up on himself, he’s worked so hard and in the end he’s given up on finding a way out. That is until Atsushi came along. Atsushi is different because he is clearly working towards getting out of that darkness, and he is succeeding. As we know, Aku’s jealousy stems from Dazai’s appreciation of Atsushi, but I would also argue that it’s from seeing how much Atsushi is improving and actually having a warped view of that.

I know this is slightly off topic but just let me explain: when Aku talks to Kyouka in the canibalism arc, he says that she’s lucky to have found her way to the light, the general meaning of this is taken as hat she got out of the Port Mafia and joined the “good” side. However there’s quite obviously a double meaning in that Aku can see how happy Kyouka is and believes that he’ll never reach that (Aku’s story is one I’d rather discuss in another post but for the purpose of understanding Atsushi’s growth, you should understand it from Aku’s point of view as well).

He says how happy he is for Kyouka, but remains angry at Atsushi, because he feels like Atsushi has everything (this comes from their fight on the Moby Dick) Atsushi is really quick to point out that he absolutely doesn’t have everything and that he suffers just as Aku does and I think that scene really explains Atsushi’s character incredibly well. Just to tie this all up, I think Aku agreeing to not kill anyone until he and Atsushi battle it out, is a massive first step in him attempting to improve himself (even if it is in the essence of competition).

Overall, Atsushi is so much more than just an “annoying and insecure” character, like all of the characters in bsd, he’s quite complex and I really enjoy breaking down all the aspects of his character to explain this.

Atsushi isn’t one of my favourite characters, but he’s one I’ve come to respect him more and more as I’ve watched and rewatched bsd (and now as I finally read the manga!!). I love discussing all the complexities of bsd especially since there’s so much to break down and delve into (and believe me my favourite characters aren’t my favourites for no reason).

To everyone reading this, feel free to reply/reblog with your opinions, I love hearing what other people think about stuff like this skdjskd

I’ll gladly give my opinion on whatever character, scene, story arc, fandom based thing or just anything in bsd in general so feel free to send in more asks :)

[linkspooky]

Who are your top five BSD characters?

I love to talk about  how much I love my faves. If you ever ask want to ask me who my faves are for a series feel free to send me an ask.

1. Human Failure - Dazai Osamu

I like that he’s a bad person. I know I say this a lot, but I really do think stories are at their best when they allow characters to be bad people.. The narration itself never tries to make excuses for who Dazai is, or gloss over what he’s done in the name of making him look good. It just allows him to exist as is. Dazai is a total failure of a human being, but at the same time he’s more human than any of us. 

You get the sense that Dazai is an overgrown kid who just, never learned to deal with any of the things that adults learn to deal with as a result of growing up as a person. He views himself as this non-human thing and at first when he’s much younger means he thinks he can do whatever he want. 

There’s a lot of works in ficiton that attempt to correct the misery in “No Longer Human” Osamu Dazai’s final work, which to me is really a disrespectful response to the work itself. Like, Dazai wasn’t trying to comment on society, and he didn’t think he was more right than anybody else or saw through the lies of society. Dazai wasn’t trying to be miserable on purpose or like, meditate on human nature. 

I am writing a tired story for young readers,

not because I want to be different,

or because I am unconcerned with young readers’ tastes.

I write it rather because I know it will please them.

Young readers are tired and old themselves these days,

and my story can bring them no discomfort and no surprises.

It is a story for those who have lost hope.

No Longer Human is just this deeply honest and brutal work of his that stands on his own. People feel the need to make miserable things happy and correct them, but sometimes things are beautiful because they are miserable. Dazai himself as a character is like one of the only responses to No Longer Human that I’ve ever been able to digest, because it’s not trying to correct anything. 

Dazai is a bad person, but he’s still undeniably human he’s not something lesser or greater than human, and in his own way he is trying to live too. A lot of people forget the humanity of the work. 

2. Old Sport - F Scott Fitzgerald

He shares the name with the author, but Fitzgerald is so obivously based off the main character of the author’s most famous work, the Great Gatsby. Gatsby is at the same time, a scathing critique of the false dreams we spend our entire lives working towards, but at the same time instead of condemning us for dreaming in the first place like a lot of critiques do, it instead reaffirms that humans wants to dream, that they live because they want to strive for something and that there’s still worth in that even if it ends up entirely in failure. 

Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter—tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther… . And then one fine morning—So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

Gatsby sailed against the current, and it ended with him drowning and yet his efforts in life were not worthless. The book portrays that kind of complexity, that there are two sides to everything. 

“You can’t repeat the past.”“Why of course you can!”

And as a character Fitz embodies that complexity just as well. His goals are good, what else but family can you burn everything for? Yet at the same time, you see he goes the extra mile in trying to destroy everything around him for the sake of his goals. Just like Gatsby, his goals are inherently one impossible to achieve and two, self destructive. Yet, there’s something brilliant in watching how this man will not give up and will continually break himself against the currents trying to reach just a little bit farther.

3. Ugly Girl - Lucy Maud Montgomery

Lucy is a character I like because she’s the introduction of how victims can be more grotesque and violent. They are not always people who beg to be saved the way Atsushi and Kyouka do. As the story advances, it becomes deeper and deeper in complexity especially when it comes to the issue of saving the orphans, and being on the side of helping people. It’s not always so noble a thing as Atsushi makes it seem to be, it is sometimes messy and even harmful.

What I likea bout Lucy is that nothing about her is straightforward. Trauma has made it possible that she cannot be straightforward or forthcoming with her own emotions in any way. Not only that but you can still see just like Atsushi the effects of being raised as an unwanted child in an orphanage have not worn off. She gets mad when Atsushi ignores her, because she feels at any moment he might abandon her. Her assumption is that people will not care, that they will fail her and Atsushi has to work against these assumptions. 

Ultimately what I like is that Lucy does not get saved, but rather starts to save herself. The reason that she’s on this list instead of characters I like for the same reasons is that she’s started to show the growth that Akutagawa really has the potential to show and I myself cannot wait until he hits. She’s started to grow for the sake of one boy who inspired her and related to her, and in the end it’s more like she was the one who saved Atsushi which led to one of the most beautiful moments in the second arc of the manga. 

4. A Monster Without a Heart - Nikolai Goggol

Goggol is one of my favorite characters despite being only around for a few chapters at most. The ideas behind his character are so interesting and thematically rich. He’s a character who decides to live and die entirely based around the concept of freedom.

Due to that fact he’s far more insightful and clever than most of the characters in the manga. He’s the only person who can be on equal terms with Dostoevsky, rather than just being either a total sycophant, or someone mind controlled like the rest of his compatriots. That’s because Goggol as terrible as he is completely owns who he is as a person. 

His lines are some of the best in the series. The moment where he takes off his mask and reveals to Atsushi he’s not the villain of the story, but a human being completely aware of the harm he’s causing others just completely smashes Atsushi’s simple black and white values of good and evil he has been fighting with so far. It reminds the audience once more that this is a story about human beings. 

5. Just a Normal Person- Edogawa Ranpo

Ranpo is here for two reasons. One my love of detective novels, and Ranpo exists as a tribute to those same novels so every plot he is involved in reads as a love letter to my favorite genre. The second is that Ranpo himself is so interesting a person, because he’s so clearly coded as someone neurodivergent and not able to fit in with a lot of society.

Yet, he’s the only case of such a character where I’ve seen them so humanized. Nobody ever treats Ranpo’s quirks as a burden, or pities him for them. It’s even right in Ranpo’s backstory that he was constantly targetted and taken advantage of because he was only specifically really smart at one thing and couldn’t fit into society otherwise, and the detective agency was made to give him a place to fit in. 

Ranpo is valued for who he is. Because of that he’s able to be completely self confident and know his worth. His cocky attitude comes from the fact that he’s somewhere where he’s accepted by others. Not only that but Ranpo is also the person who helps accept other people into the detective agency, as shown in the empathy he showed Yosano. Rampo’s on my faves not because he’s treated like an eccentric super genius, but how much the story empathizes that underneath his layers he really is just a normal person the same as everybody else.

It’s one of my favorite quotes in the manga and it shows why I love humanizing work and human misery above all else. 

Your ability doesn’t matter. That sorrow has value. 

[hamliet]

Messy, Perfect Redemption: Dazai

My least favorite trope in fiction is probably redemption via death. It just seldom works for the best possible story and more often than not comes across as an author wanting to take the easy way out with having now made the audience like the character, but not having to deal with the repercussions with their relationships with other characters and actual work of changing. Which honestly is also fair. Writing is hard.

But one of the things I love about Bungou Stray Dogs is how the entire story is basically Dazai’s redemption arc in all its disastrous messy glory. Redemption is hard, becoming a better person is exhausting and it doesn’t happen overnight. Despite an often cavalier attitude towards everyone around him, Dazai never loses sight of Odasaku’s last words to him.

"Listen. You told me that you might find a reason to live if you lived in a world of violence and bloodshed. You won't find it. You must know that already. Whether you're on the side who kills people or the side who saves people, nothing beyond what you would expect will appear. Nothing in this world can fill that lonely hole you have. You will wander the darkness for eternity. (...) Be on the side that saves people. If both sides are the same, become a good man. Save the weak, and protect the orphans. Neither good nor evil means much to you, I know... but that'd make you at least a little bit better. (...) Of course I know. I know better than anyone. Because... I am your friend."

Leaving the mafia and deciding to save people from now on is a good step, but it’s a process, as we see. It’s choosing every day to save orphans, to protect the weak, and even after making the overall choice to become a better man, there are still plenty of struggles along the way. It’s what makes Dazai such a compelling, powerful and ultimately hopeful character for me.

I know Atsushi is often seen as representing Dazai’s second chance after Akutagawa, his redemption in a sense, and that’s not wrong at all. Atsushi is definitely a major, even the main, part of it, but in my opinion it’s not the whole of it. Dazai’s mentoring of Atsushi is a double-edged sword: on the one hand, it absolutely is a part of his redemption. He’s genuinely trying to do his best with Atsushi, and I do think he cares for him--clearly, he cares enough to let himself be captured by the mafia, even.

On the other hand, ignoring a kid you hurt for a kid you didn't is not redemption in and of itself when you could still do something about it. It’s not like Akutagawa has given up on Dazai in any way; he’s pretty desperate for Dazai’s acknowledgement even now.

If saving one requires you to abandon the other, are you really a better person for it ? Like, if you wanna save orphans, you kinda have to include the one who's literally begging you to save him and who is only in this bad place because of you.

If joining the agency would have redeemed Dazai, we wouldn’t have a story, though again I’m not minimizing the importance of this or the resonance of Dazai’s mentoring of Atsushi. But in joining the agency, Dazai left someone behind--more than one someones, actually. Dazai’s redemption is a process that will require him to face the harm he caused in the mafia and as much as possible, fix it. And he can’t fully redeem himself until he integrates with his shadow. Unlike Atsushi whose shadow is directly personified in Akutagawa, though, Dazai’s is in several other people (we could also consider Odasaku and Atsushi part of the anima), including Akutagawa, Chuuya, Dostoyevsky, and Mori.

Even the next time Dazai saves an orphan (Kyouka), we find out that a lot of the cruel ways Akutagawa trained her came from how Dazai trained him.

It’s a consequence coming back to Dazai that his mentee decides to save a child trapped in the mafia whom everyone wants to give up on, a child whose been through the same training he forced Akutagawa into (which I should remind you includes a canonical mock execution). The difficulties of saving Kyouka are probably exactly why Dazai took so long to make baby steps towards Akutagawa. But to his credit, while he’s not exactly compassionate with Kyouka while she’s imprisoned, Dazai does save her. If mentoring a kid on the verge of turning into a criminal is the first step to reconciling with his mafia self, then Dazai’s helping save Kyouka is the next one.

However, he doesn’t fully understand the cruelties of he did to Akutagawa, as shown in how he mocks him after his capture by repeating Akutagawa’s worst fears to him:

I know Dazai’s playing a long game with setting up Atsushi and Akutagawa’s partnership in shin soukoku, but the ends don’t always justify the means and that’s a lesson often shown to us in BSD (it’s in part the reason Dazai left the mafia; he couldn’t buy that Oda’s death was justifiable because it got rid of Mimic and got the Port Mafia their black ticket). This type of triggering really isn’t okay. Like I said here, Dazai is in part the cause of Atsushi and Akutagawa’s struggles to get along, and he should be part of reconciling that schism as well.

I know while some people are annoyed that fans call a person two years older than someone else their father figure, but the manga itself draws this comparison and codes Dazai/Atsushi and Dazai/Akutaqawa as a mentor/mentee relationship which is 99% of the time coded as parental in literature (and it definitely is here). Akutagawa literally draws the comparison himself between his relationship with Dazai and Atsushi’s with his abusive orphanage headmaster. Yes, Akutagawa’s making some logical jumps here (refusing to acknowledge that Dazai is just as much Atsushi’s mentor as his), but the manga wants us to make this comparison.

As Atsushi wasn’t able to reconcile his frustration and hurt towards the orphanage headmaster, he’ll probably do so through Akutagawa and through Dazai, because Atsushi’s view of Dazai is basically that he’s already redeemed and fantastic and justified in his choices--again, I know Atsushi complains about his irresponsibility sometimes, but it’s mostly played as a joke and isn’t a serious critique of just how he treated Akutagawa, despite Atsushi hating Akutagawa for how he treated Kyouka (take that train of thought a little further, Atsushi).

But onto Dazai’s other relationships. It’s telling that Dazai is at his most unrestrained and violent in the mafia when he partners with Chuuya, who despite being very restrained thanks to him being capable of uninhibited destruction that would lead to his own death without said restraint, knows who Dazai is and what he’s capable of from the very beginning (he’s so much as seen Dazai murder the orphans who comprise the Sheep even after promising Chuuya he wouldn't). Kunikida is Chuuya’s foil in that he works most closely with Dazai in the agency and is perpetually ready to strangle him, but Kunikida is also incredibly principled and restrained--yet he is significantly the only member of the agency who, prior to the Guild Arc, did not know Dazai used to be in the mafia.

Kunikida’s ideals including saving everyone if possible. Both Chuuya and Kunikida represent these two extremes of what Dazai is capable of--and yet notably both of them care about saving children and are in many ways more compassionate people than Dazai.

The one time we see Chuuya talk about killing a kid is with Q, who notably is introduced to us as another child with the soukoku partnership team-up.

Q, a child with half-dark hair and half-white hair (gee I wonder what that symbolizes) is a child made to curse the world and hate ever being born. Chuuya and Dazai team up to save him but contemplate killing him.

Dazai’s choice not to kill Q is stated to be to save himself, which is probably is, but it’s also symbolic of how Dazai’s saving other people is saving himself (and also ties back to another quote Odasaku liked to repeat from Natsume: “everyone exists to save themselves”).

But Chuuya’s motivation, as I wrote before, is because he’s grieved over the loss of his comrades. Chuuya really cares about people, including Dazai, and the fact that Dazai is actually going to far as to model Atsushi and Akutagawa’s team-up on his team-up with Chuuya pretty strongly implies Dazai doesn’t hate Chuuya as much as he says he does. To be able to truly leave the mafia, he has to make peace with those relationships there. It’s part of being honest with himself: like Atsushi, acknowledging the darker shadows, and like Akutagawa, acknowledging the better parts of him too.

At present, Dostoyevsky proves a perfect foil for Dazai, as @linkspooky has written here. They’re the same in a lot of ways, but Dostoyevsky has allowed nihilism and a god complex to completely consume him and is not trying to be human, whereas Dazai still tries to save people and was devastated by Oda’s death. Dostoyevsky’s ability, whatever it was, works by touching someone like Dazai’s, but since Dazai’s No Longer Human negates another’s abilities, Dazai is the only person on which Fyodor’s ability will not work, making them the perfect counters for each other.  Dostoyevsky is what Dazai could be if his feelings of alienation from human society (a prominent theme in the real life Dostoyevsky’s works) were taken to their utmost extreme, and so it’d be fitting for him to ultimately defeat Fyodor through the relationships he does have (including Atsushi and Akutagawa). 

To return to Odasaku, Odasaku is also kind of a warning to Dazai as much as he is a man Dazai wants to become like. When Odasaku lost the orphans under his care, he fell into complete despair and knowingly embarked on a suicide mission to do what Mori wanted him to. Still, Dazai tried to save him. He wasn’t able to save his life, but Odasaku’s death saved Dazai. Yet it’s potentially concerning that Mori used Odasaku’s human connections to engineer his downfall, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Mori uses Dazai’s to try to engineer his downfall later on (like, way, way on).

The difference is that Dazai is a good foil to Mori, too, in understanding what makes people tick and always thinking several moves ahead. Mori groomed Dazai from the age of like fourteen (or younger) to be his successor in the mafia, manipulating his suicidal tendencies and hopelessness to get what Mori wanted from him. It’s telling that the earliest we have of Dazai is him with Mori, in that Mori instead of caring for a suicidal patient decided to take him along to murder the mafia’s boss and induct him into the mafia thereby. The thing about Jungian stories is that there are often some Oedipal tendencies to them--like, for example, a character needs to overcome/break away from completely/kill their father.  I can see Dazai at some point having to overcome Mori and his influence to cement his arc, but that’s highly speculative (yet fits with Mori’s build up as a villain), so we’ll see.

[tender-rosiey]

hey dear (yeah im deffo addicted to your writing) just checking on you i hope your doing good and taking care of yourself. I would also like to drop a one shot request of Chuuya falling for mori's god-daughter (also an executive) who has an ability which allows her to summon and control demons while singing but she ends up getting captured and goes missing for 2 years then one day they find her and he confesses to her after she gets rescued (rlly fluffy). thanks in advance love Safiyah <33

❥—Cassiopeia 

❥—Chuuya Nakahara x Reader 

❥—Fluff 

ᴀ/ɴ: i am glad you enjoy my writing and i hope you are doing great as well; hopefully you like this one too 🥺💘 also let this cure your hearts after the last one- also the chant is inspired by Obey me ❣️

“Chuuya, I would like for you to meet my daughter.”

Right then a beautiful and fair lady came out of the door. Chuuya beweildered by her beauty went silent; such a beautiful creature existed?

“Y/N, meet Chuuya; he is one of the best executives here!” Mori introduced you smiling, to which you wave your hand to the ginger and smiled warmly “Hey Chuuya! Pleasure meeting you.” Chuuya smiled shyly and waved back “S-same here..”

Mori then smirked and questioned “Chuuya what’s the matter? You seem rather uncollected.” The said male waved his hand around in denial as he was stopped by a giggle from the lady beside him. “You are quite cute; I hope we get to know each other more.” You said before exiting for your mission.

Chuuya let out a sigh of relief putting his hands on his knees as blush crept onto his face. He made a total and utter fool out of himself; Isn’t he the strongest executive? Why was he so damn shy around you? The thought started clouding his mind until Mori snapped him out of his daze and asked “Are you perhaps interested in Y/N, Chuuya?”

Damn right he is. You were so sweet and kind and that just hit bullseye in his heart. Ever since then he would take almost any opportunity to be with you and talk with you. You were slowly getting to know each other better.

You have been together through tears and giggles and pain and sniffles. He knows you deeply and you know him just as well. After all 3 years of friendship isn’t a minuscule period of time; there multiple moments he had seen you in that made just how much of a wonderful person you are even clearer.

You got along with everyone.

Akutagawa, you both were like best friends and would tell each other everything. You were one of the few he accepted help or their company and you were always a great duo in battle.

Kouyou, the woman that took him in adores you. What more could he ask for? Kouyou helped you and guided in your times of unknowing what to do and how to do it. You were sisters and she valued you deeply, she would always hang out with you and talk with you about anything and everything.

Mori, the man who you addressed as your father. Despite Mori not being biologically him but he treated you as such, as if you were his daughter. He gave you all his love and made you feel appreciated and took care of you.

Seeing your kindness towards your allies Chuuya was dazzled, how could someone so sweet and kind be in the Mafia? His thoughts were completely erased when he saw you in battle.

Multiple screams, all saying the same thing “Beware of the Port Mafia’s devil!” Chuuya was wondering about who are they referring to, was it him? He suddenly heard someone singing behind him.

“Hear me, denizens of darkness, you who are born of shadow and you who give birth to it. Hear me and do as I command! I, Y/N, call upon you to send forth one of your number! I summon the demons of chanting despair!”

That voice, it sounded so angelic but the words were venomous. He turned around to be met with the sight of you floating, eyes glowing purple as demons from around you rose from the earth and attacked all the men in front of him.

‘Woah..’ He couldn’t be more in love. Your elegant movement while fighting were a sight to behold. Your voice was enchanting yet deadly, he would be grateful if it was the last thing he heard before his death.

He loved how there was a total difference between the way you treat your peers and your enemies. Did he really deserve if your feelings were mutual? It was new for Chuuya to doubt himself. But there wasn’t any route to choose when his heart now belonged to no one but you and that made him helpless before you.

“Look at the stars, Chuuya !” Right, you loved looking at constellations, and he loved how the stars shined and danced in your eyes as if they were their ball room.

He looked up and saw a weird look star, maybe a constellation? He then pointed at it and asked “Y/N, what constellation is that?” You smiled brightly before answering “That’s Cassiopeia! It represents love.” You then turned to the ginger finding him close to you and somehow both of you involuntary moved closer, slowly about to close the gap between you.

“Hello Y/N.” You both jumped and looked at the owner of the voice to see that it’s Mori. Chuuya saying every cuss word in his mind while you both were as red as roses, however Mori was grinning mischievously. It’s nice being a party pooper at times.

However that’s all in the past.

 Now you were gone, no one knew where you were taken and if you were even still alive. 2 years too long for the ginger, too long because of his suffering and sadness through them.

When he first found out you were taken he was devastated and went on searching everywhere with the mafia men; everyone in the Port Mafia was searching for their Y/N.

At the night he found out he couldn’t sleep, and wanted to start the search as soon as possible but days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and then into years. Chuuya was starting to lose hope but still searched. Everyday he thought of you, he would drink wine and anything to wash it all away.

Even now after all what happened and the two years that had passed since then they still didn’t stop searching. He didn’t stop searching.

He was walking down the streets returning back from a mission as he came across a warehouse, it looked rather sketchy so to quiet down his thoughts he entered it and his eyes could not believe what he saw.

You all beaten up and bruised. Body looking as weak as a stick and something to silence your screams and chants on your mouth, his body loved involuntary and hugged you tightly quickly freeing you from the chains that hampered you from fleeing from your misery.

He sent the location to the Port Mafia and now everyone was going to come and make who did this to you pay. He picked you up and as he looked behind him he found Mori with wide eyes barely himself believing that indeed you were alive.

The old man took you from the hands of your savior and inspected your face, those who did this to you will go through hell. “Chuuya take her back.” Mori said sternly and Chuuya nodded, he wasn’t going to let you go out of his sight again.

And there he was with you on a bed, multiple tubes sticking to your skin and a oxygen mask. You looked really weak and pale, but it didn’t stop him from loving you. He loved you even more because you managed to live through that and made it back to him at the end.

Chuuya fell asleep as he was waiting for any sign of your awakening, and you woke up instead adjusting to the light and your surroundings. This wasn’t the dark and frightening warehouse you were in...you were finally saved. After two years of misery you were finally saved.

You looked to your side to find the ginger fast asleep alongside you, you smiled softly and gently played with his hair. Chuuya felt something on his head and slowly woke up to see you pulling your hand away, but he held it tenderly and put it back.

“I have to tell you something when you recover, Y/N.” He said as he was enjoying the feeling of your touch. “Why not now?” You questioned while he looked up at you with a smile and mumbled “because it’s something you need to be told outside of this white chamber.”

And so as time passed you were finally back to how you were. He blindfolded you and led you to a garden and went behind you. “Chuuya where are we?” You wondered while he chuckled and took your blindfold off and said “See for yourself.”

Your eyes were now looking at the garden you last saw Chuuya before your disappearance, but right now there was a picnic set and surrounding it were petals on a shape of a heart and candles lighting up the the space. He then pointed above and looked at you.

 There it was, the constellation of love, Cassiopeia. He placed a hand on his heart and softly said “Love is what I feel for you. Very deep and strong love.” He walked towards you and held your hands between his bringing them up to his lips and placed a light kiss to them.

“I never stopped loving you, and from the moment I saw you took my breath away, you made me the prisoner of love and the poor who seeks for your love and touch. Everything about you is beyond description, I can’t find the words to describe it and I am afraid that it had already eaten me up. I am afraid that now you are the only who can calm the beast of love and adoration that only wants you and won’t accept anyone but you. So will you please give me a chance and let me show you how much love my heart feels towards you?”

A smile made its way into your face and vision getting glossy. You pulled the ginger towards you and connected your lips as gentle as one would touch a flower’s petal. The light of the stars shining on both you, it looked like a scene from a movie.

A portray, a beautiful portray, that could be drawn by millions but never be as beautiful. And Cassiopeia was the witness of their true and never ending love.

“once I believed

love poems were foolish

now I read love poems

just for the sake of it

and yet perhaps I want

to reach a higher state of poetry

I don't know if that's right or wrong

but such a feeling persists anyway

and sometimes irritates me

provoking outrageous desires

once I believed

love poems were foolish

yet now I do nothing

but dream about love“

-from “Exhaustion” by Nakahara Chuuya

copyright © 2020 tender-rosiey

do not copy or plagiarize or you will be reported

[wingsofhcpe]

BSD Rarepair Valentine’s Week- Day 2

hosted by @bsd-rarepair-valentines-week​

pairing: hawmitch

rating: T for safety

prompt:

love languages ♡ enduring

“Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away.”

-Louis de Bernieres, Captain Corelli’s Mandolin 

Beep. Beep. Beep.

There was nothing but still, peaceful darkness for a while, until it was interrupted by a high-pitched, steady sound- quite persistent and annoying, frankly, and slowly Nathaniel drifted out of his slumber. Turquoise eyes snapping open as an instinctive gasp left his lips, and then panic seizing him when he realised he couldn’t anything other than a translucent blurry fog.

It took him a few extra seconds of confusion until he noticed he plainly wasn’t wearing his glasses. That brought some sort of comfort- at least he hadn’t gone blind. Judging by the murkiness of his memories however, he might as well have gone amnesiac.

He let out a breath he’d been holding, allowing his eyes to close for a few minutes longer. Now that he was completely awake, he’d began registering the pain that was present all over his body- and with that, memories began to drift back.

The attack at the Zelda. The battle with Akutagawa. The mafioso’s black thorns closing in on him and Margaret jumping in front of him, taking the hit and-

-Margaret.

Nathaniel almost choked as he remembered those black tendrils spearing Margaret and dropping her on the ground like a lifeless, bloody ragdoll; then her overcoming even those horrendous wounds -ever stubborn, his Margaret- to shield him with her own body from what would have been a fatal hit.

He desperately tried to recall something else, anything that could give him some clue as to his partner’s situation. But there was nothing, no matter how hard he tried. Only the black fog of pain and near-death.

Truly, how many hours he’d even been out for? Well- he hoped it had only been hours and not days, at least. He wasn’t sure what to assume.

Regardless, idleness didn’t suit him; now that he’d recalled Margaret being gravely injured, and him not being up to date with her condition, he couldn’t just sit still. He had to do something, or else he might go crazy- and decided to start by finding his glasses.

The task, albeit simple, ended up requiring a lot more strength than what it should have. Moving even a little was painful. Even with his admittedly high tolerance he had to resort to biting his lips in order to hold back a cry at the sensation of his abdomen being torn open with every breath or movement. Eventually, though, he managed to make out the blurry outline of something that must have been a nightstand by his cot, and by blindly searching along it with his hand he managed to find what he was looking for (though before managing that, he’d ended up knocking down something that was fragile enough to shatter upon impact. Oops).

Slipping his glasses on and finally being able to see, Nathaniel felt a little less desperate. His first reaction was to look around the room, even if it was just to gain his bearings. His concerns proved baseless when he immediately recognised the room he was in as the Guild’s med bay. At least he was home- that was some relief, at least.

The next thing he noticed was the sound that had apparently woken him up persisted, and though still foggy with his previously unconscious state, he was able to identify it as the sound of a heart monitor. Well, he wasn’t connected to one, so…

Breath hitching at his throat, Nathaniel turned his head around to the cot he knew to be in the other side of the room. And he swore his own heart may have as well ceased to function, when he took in Margaret’s unconscious form sprawled across the bed.

No. No no no no no-

“Margaret.” He breathed, voice hoarse with disuse and scraping at his throat. But that was something beyond his care right now; how could he care about anything other than his partner, battered and wounded and perhaps never waking again?

He had to get to her, no matter how weak and injured he was, he had to be with her.

Ignoring all doctor’s advice he was sure Melville would give him if he were there, Nathaniel tore the blanket away from him and sat up, bracing himself for the ordeal of getting up on his feet. It proved to be even harder than he had expected when he felt his right leg seize up, pain shooting up to his hip. However he just gritted his teeth and braced himself against the wall, determined to not let any of it stop him.

It seemed to him like eons, but eventually he limped across the short distance that separated the two beds and gracelessly sit on the edge of Margaret’s being as careful as he could to make sure he wouldn’t harm her any further.

It was hard, keeping himself from tearing up as he saw her lying there, pale and unmoving when she had always been so full of life, brimming with vigour. At least she seemed to be breathing on her own, no oxygen masks or machines attached to her frail body.

“I… I’m sorry…” Nathaniel whispered as his fingers gently touched the back of Margaret’s hand. “This was all because of my own arrogance. Believing we could take on the Mafia without assistance…”

He couldn’t stop the lone tear that escaped his eye and slid down his cheek, landing on top of Margaret’s. He just looked away from her, unable to take in the sight of her at death’s door much longer.

“I was your mentor, you know. I was supposed to protect you. And instead I let you get hurt. You were the one that protected me in the end…”

He wasn’t sure what else to say- apologies didn’t matter, they weren’t going to fix anything and he was going to have to watch her lie there, perhaps never waking up. Withering away and dying, and leaving him behind…

“Hey… are you done cryin’ now, or should Ah be the one to snap you out of it?”

Nathaniel damn nearly fell out of the bed, registering Margaret’s voice amidst his miserable thoughts- for a moment he thought he must have simply gone crazy, the want of seeing her awake and healthy overpowering his senses to the point where he’d began imagining her voice. The following moment, however, he felt her hand twitch under his, and he snapped his eyes -wide with shock and disbelief- back to her.

Margaret was certainly awake, for his eyes met her violet ones, somewhat dull with lingering unconsciousness yet very much aware of him sitting next to her. He could even detect a small amount of annoyance in there, as if she had been bothered by him wallowing in self-pity.

“You- You’re-?!”

“Awake, yes. No thanks to you.” She couldn’t hold back a small smile, though. “Can’t believe you were cryin’ like a little kid just a moment ago. You do really ‘ave a thing for blamin’ yourself about everythin’, hm?”

Against all logic Nathaniel felt his face heating up as all the blood rushed to it. He huffed, the softness that had previously overtaken him vanishing.

“Don’t flatter yourself. I was only worried Lord Francis would be mad at us for failing the mission, that’s all…”

Even as he spoke, he was aware of how empty and ridiculous his excuses sounded. And besides, he was so certain he’d lost her forever a moment ago. No matter how big both their egos were, she was still his partner and- and he loved her, damnit!

“I mean…” Nathaniel lifted his hand a little, letting his fingers tread gently through Margaret’s honey-brown hair, so velvet-soft even in a situation like the one she was in. “I’m so, so glad you’re okay… I thought I’d lost you.”

Perhaps for the first time in his life, he watched as a blush similar to his own bloomed across Margaret’s beautiful, pale face, her eyes widening just the slightest bit.

“Oh… Well… Don’ worry ‘bout it. Ah’m here aren’t Ah.” She winced a little, the pain of her own wounds slowly getting to her. “Dammit. Got us good, that Mafia bastard. But… ya needn’t worry ‘bout me goin’ anywhere Ah promise.”

Nathaniel moved his hand from her hair to her cheek, caressing it gently.

“Please don’t. I fear I’d be completely lost without you.”

“Oh really?” She raised an eyebrow at him, regaining some of her usual confidence even through the pain. “Do remember that, the next time we’ll be trainin’ and Ah beat you senseless.”

“In your wildest dreams, my dear.” He ignored his own pain, leaning down and pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead. “Oh- and don’t ever again do something as foolish as the little stunt you pulled. Jumping in front of me? Risking your life? Is your head completely stuffed with straw after all?!”

She pouted, looking away. “That really does seem to be becomin’ your catchphrase… And anyway! Ah couldn’t just let you die you absolute moron! You’re…”

She paused at that, face turning an even darker shade of red as she looked away, suddenly extremely captivated by the intricate designs on the ceiling (Fitzgerald really sparing no expenses even to the decoration of the med bay).

“You’re important to me. Fool.” She muttered eventually. Nathaniel blinked, a little bit shocked to hear such a confession for her; then, surprising even himself, he let out a quiet chuckle.

“Well then, we should both make sure not to put ourselves in such mortal danger again. That way we’ll be even. Am I right?”

For a moment, he thought she’d mock and dismiss him as usual. But then she felt her hand nudge his own, entwining their bandaged fingers together as she turned to look at him. And when she spoke, there wasn’t just good humour in her voice, but a promise as well.

“…Alright then, dork. We should really, really do that.”

[laceymorganwrites]

Fucking with my head

Word Count: 2,117

Song: Fucking with my head - Palaye Royale

Pairing: Akutagawa x reader

Warnings: swearing, bit of blood

A/N: this is my first time doing a songfic, let me know what you think! bold are the lyrics. the gif is not mine!!!

Disclaimer: the lyrics ´but you just won´t hate´ is wrong, it´s : ´but you just won´t hit´ but the site i used for the lyrics was absolute crap and the hate lyrics actually worked for the Thing i wanted to acheive and tell

You coming round

It wasn´t easy working with Akutagawa, nobody said that. But trying to get closer to him, that was just impossible. Well, at least you thought so. As soon as you noticed your feelings for him, wherever they might have come from, you confronted him about it, keeping it professional and promising not to act on them. You told him explicitly that nothing would change between you two, hoping it´s what he wanted. Instead he just frowned.

He never said anything to the matter. But he was coming around, you thought.

You felt as if he opened up to you a bit, at least you hoped so. He did some things that made you question if he liked you back, but quickly pushed those thoughts in the back of your head, never to be seen again.

But you act so cold

One thing he did was walk you home every day. You would´ve thought it considerate, but no matter how many things he did that could be mistaken for affection, his cold attitude towards you didn´t change. In fact it only grew colder and crueler. And every day he proved to you just how much he did not like you back and it tore you apart.

So cold, so cold

Some days he couldn´t stand to see you, he simply ignored you. And then some other days he was so infuriated by you, yelling at you how useless and weak you were, how he had to protect you and you were just a weight that pulled him down. You didn´t know which days were worse. He was so cold towards you for no reason.

You show them wrong

At least you knew you weren´t the only one who was being treated like that by him. Higuchi and you grew to be close friends, working together on multiple occasions. You were sure she hated you at first, but after talking to her openly about the feelings you both had for Akutagawa, you realized none of you had a chance and the jealousy disappeared.

Cause you just say no No, no, no, no

Akutagawa was a loner, he didn´t accept anything others did and always told everyone at work they were shit at their job. He was so negative, stating everyone weak should die and didn´t deserve to live in the first place.

You torture me

He knew exactly what effect he had on you and he used this knowledge to play with you like the sadistic bastard he was. Time and time again he asked you if you still liked him and you always said yes, but when you did, he grew furious with you. He knew exactly that his behavior hurt you and you just knew he got off on it. He could drown in having the ability to control someone like that, be in someone´s thoughts and dreams like that and never hold the same feelings for them. It was pure torture.

But I just won't scream

But if he thought he´d win that game of torture he played, he was about to be proven wrong. Not over your dead body would you let him have the satisfaction of knowing he had won over you. So you didn´t act any different when he treated you like that, you endured it. Why you did it, you couldn´t say. Nothing held you in this job, nothing was in the odds for staying by his side. It was quite the opposite, the odds were clearly against you being with him. The only person who didn´t want to believe that was you.

I'm dead inside Even in my dreams

Akutagawa haunted you at night, you dreamt of him. Him holding you, being intimate with you, smiling at you. And when you woke up the realization that those were only dreams wrecked you. You have never been an insecure person but the way he treated you lowered your self-esteem to the negative numbers. You're fucking with my head Yeah, yeah You're fucking with my head You're fucking with my Fucking with my head Yeah, yeah You're fucking with my head You're fucking with my You're fucking with my head You're fucking with my head

You could curse yourself so much for letting this man get in your head like that. You couldn´t think straight anymore, not that you wanted to. You met up with Higuchi regularly to let off some steam about your shared object of interest, but it only led you to be even more confused by him. He was in your head constantly, he made you unable to sleep, to concentrate, he dragged you down and still whenever he even glanced in your direction he made your heart jump out of your chest.

You hated the way he made you feel, it infuriated you to no end.

You don't know why

All he could ask himself since the incident was why. Why, why why? Why the fuck did you like him? And why the fuck did you get to him like that? Why did this happen to him? And why did you get under his skin like no one else? Why didn´t he realize sooner that he liked you? Why couldn´t he say it back? Why did his lungs squeeze together and he found himself unable to speak or even look straight whenever you entered the room? Why was nothing he did ever good enough? Why did he have to be such a weak failure? And why the fuck couldn´t he just grab and kiss you right then and there like he dreamed of so many nights?

I just wanna be alone

In those days he wanted to be alone. He couldn´t have anyone around him whenever dark thoughts and insecurities began to eat him alive. He couldn´t let anyone see him in this vulnerable state. He built those walls around him to protect him for a reason. No matter how much he wanted you to tear them down, he didn´t want them to be gone just like that, he needed them. He needed this safety of being alone.

No, no, no, no

And who even wanted to see his ugliness behind those walls? This weakness of his? His vulnerability? His illness… He couldn´t even safe his sister, he had to rely on someone else to do it, that was just pathetic. He didn´t follow the rules, couldn´t do anything right and every day he asked himself if it was alright for him to be on this world. In his opinion he should´ve never been born.

Ask you nicely But you won't go Won't go home

He didn´t know why you stayed with him, what made you stay. It couldn´t be him, he made sure of that. But no matter what horrible things he said and did to you, you never changed jobs. It confused him to no end. And whenever he told you to go home, you stayed and did his paperwork, saying he needed the sleep more than you.

You scream in my ear

Akutagawa was used to being yelled at, by Dazai and Mori and all the others in his past. They always told him how weak he was, how he couldn´t follow rules and was just too unpredictable and dangerous. And what got to him the most were the dark nights when he couldn´t sleep. He laid awake, wondering what the whole point was in doing all those things to prove how strong he was. He wanted to prove to himself that he was strong because he didn´t want others to think he was weak. He himself knew better. Fuck he knew he was weak, the weakest of them all, yes he was angry, rude and unpredictable. He fucking knew. And that knowledge didn´t make anything better.

But I can't hear a thing

So he pretended as if nothing bothered him, he pretended not to hear all those thoughts rushing to his head. He told himself they would go away if he ignored them enough. Akutagawa got back to his stoic self. And most of all he tried to drown your existence out of his head. He didn´t believe you when you told him how you felt. How could he? He knew himself, he knew something like him should never be loved. It was impossible. But most importantly he didn´t want to believe it. He  didn´t want to hope it could be true. He´d only get hurt like that, Akutagawa has been hurt enough throughout his life, it was more than enough if he hurt himself, he didn´t want to be hurt by others anymore. There was a certain numbness in him and you somehow managed to touch his void, make it stir in its darkness.

Oh, I take you down

And it scared him, it scared the shit out of him how your mere presence could make him feel those tremendous things. He couldn´t have you around him, he couldn´t let himself go like that. Akutagawa tried everything. From yelling, to giving you more work, to straight up acting cold and cruel towards you. Recently he had given up and just ignored you.

But you just won't hate

No matter what he did, nothing worked. You still came into the office every day and did your job, sometimes even staying longer to do his paperwork. You were completely indifferent to his behavior. It infuriated him. The sweet smile you gave him was just so sickening to see. Whenever you walked in the room, he couldn´t breathe, he actually forgot how to breathe around you. This ensured in a coughing fit of his. You're fucking with my head Yeah, yeah You're fucking with my head You're fucking with my You're fucking with my head Yeah, yeah You're fucking with my head You're fucking with my We're fucking with my head

You rushed to his side and gently held him, wiping off the blood that came out of his mouth with a napkin. What surprised you the most was that he didn´t rip your hand off. Instead he just sank to the floor, defeated. Akutagawa leaned against his desk, his head held low.

You sat down next to him, sighing. “What´s wrong?” you asked softly, immediately regretting it. You knew better than to talk to him, yet you couldn´t help but wanting to aid him.

He chuckled. “It´s you… it´s you the whole time. Why are you so nice to me? Why do you want to help me so much?” he kept his voice low, he was angry. Angry at himself for treating you like shit to be exact. He could cry right now, there was already a lump forming in his chest and throat, but he forgot how to let the tears flow. He just physically couldn't do it. You groaned. “You know why, Akutagawa. We talked about this. And I don´t get why you keep asking me about it, it´s not like my feelings will just go away. I wish they would if it would help you. I´m sorry, really. But there is nothing to worry about as you know. I´m not making any move on you” you clarified for the thousandth time.

“Maybe you should… you irritate me to no end. I just want… I don´t know. I´ve never done this before, I´ve never felt like this, I never even considered feeling anything at all in that direction. But… maybe you could change my mind, well you kind of already did that so it would be more appropriate to ask you to show me” he rambled, letting all of his thoughts out. He felt like a weight has just been lifted off him.

You were perplexed. Before you could speak again you needed a few seconds to process, to make sure he really just said that. After you did that you were still unable to speak.

Well, Akutagawa basically just asked you to make a move on him, you figured this was a once in a lifetime chance and so you did the one thing your stupid mind wanted to do ever since you noticed your feelings.

Smiling, you slowly leaned into him, gently stroking his cheek as you connected your lips to his and stole his first kiss.

It was in this instance Akutagawa´s brain shut down. He would make you responsible for his brain death. You're fucking with my head Yeah, yeah You're fucking with my head You're fucking with my We're fucking with my head Yeah, yeah You're fucking with my head You're fucking with my We're fucking with my head You're fucking with my head You're fucking with me Fucking with me Fucking with me Fuck you!